What do you guys do when you have thoughts that have to do with something you did in your past? I am having an obsessive thought about something I used to do as a young teenager and feeling like I’m disgusting for it and worried about doing it again.

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

Currently feeling extremely shameful for something I did in the past. Any advice? I've had periods of coming to terms with it and understanding that it was just a mistake, as no one got hurt, but now it's resurfacing again.

I have lots of intrusive thoughts about “what if I did something wrong” or “what if I hurt someone without realizing it” in the past and have an overwhelming urge to reach out to everyone I’ve dated and ask if they are okay with me (even though doing so would be super weird and random to them probably). Is this a common experience? My thoughts feel so convincing that it has progressed from a much more mild state to full out believing what my thoughts say about me although no one has ever said anything bad about me (to my knowledge) and I’ve always been a loving and respectful partner. Three of my past girlfriends have told me that I was the best to them and they are forever grateful for the time they spent with me yet I still have thoughts about them and others! Any guidance is appreciated, I feel as if I’m alone with these worries! I need help to stop seeking reassurance.