- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I treat this just like any other intrusive thought. 1) Find out what the compulsion is. In this case, the ruminating- thinking about the past is the compulsion. So you need to do your best to cut out that compulsion. Your brain is trying to go back into the past and “fix” something or make you feel better one way or another. It’s simply not possible. Time travel is not possible. So my advice would be aware that you are ruminating about the past and now I must do my best to cut that out. Live in the moment. You can’t change the past and you can’t live ahead in the future. So let’s do our best with living in the present moment. Figure out a list of the things you value. Do your best to follow those values. Your values will be your compass in your journey to recovery 😊
I really appreciate this answer. Thank you
I know my memory sucks, so I let it float by like a cloud.
Ive had this problem since 2014(or possibly earlier) Dont ruminate, confess to people/ask them if your a good person or do any of your compulsions. It will really make it stick harder to you. Mine got worse, at one point last year I started to doubt whether my memories were accurate at all, if something even worse happened but I cant remember Thats when I truly spiralled into all day everyday compulsions I've gotten tons better now, it doesnt bother me as much. If you said or did something hurtful to someone. Just apologize once to that person without expecting them to accept your apology and forgive you. Then work with your therapist to reduce your compulsions and to build back your self esteem
I have to add that "all or nothing thinking" seems to be very prevalent in this theme. We can never expect perfection from ourselves. With what information and life skills we knew at the time we were kids or teenagers.. we did what we thought was ok to do. Gotta forgive yourself and not repeat it
And I feel that urge to tell people or if I did they would judge me. I need to accept that I cannot change what has happened and obsessing over it will not make it go away.
@JesseSims Ive confessed to parents, friends, strangers online, acquaintances, people on forums. Did this for 8 years+ None of it helps. Its a compulsion, trust me just work with your therapist. You can go around confessing for the next 40 years to every person on the planet but it wont change a thing, it'll only act like quicksand pulling you in deeper into this mess Basing resolution of the guilt on society's opinion is what ocd loves. Half the people will say dont worry, half the people will say omg why did you do that.. a lot of things are in the grey area and that means its uncertain morally. OCD looooves that grey area
@Artme That is so true.. and I try not to beat myself up about it. I was young and had to learn. It did not stick with me through my adulthood and I shouldn’t be scared of it happening again.
@Artme I really appreciate your advice. This is SO helpful 💜
ya I experienced the disgusting feeling, but I dont think its related to OCD only. I think its a normal feeling
True. But I have been dwelling on it all day long.
@JesseSims Oh so its not normal... you should better live in present moment... the past is just in your head. We see the present form of you now. the amazing person that GOD has created
My intrusive images were an absolute nightmare back in April. I honestly don’t even know how it got better, I had written a letter to God begging for help. Well recently idk if it’s because I’ve been stressed a lot again and ruminating on a lot of pocd related things from the past the make me worry, but the images have started again and even though they are repulsive and awful, I feel like I’m not reacting how I should. I think I just got to where I would just try to like blink it away and ignore it, but I feel so bad if I’m not feeling absolute shame and guilt. I feel like I feel too normal and sometimes I forget that if anyone knew besides people on here, I can’t imagine what people would think, but I also know it’s not who I am so I feel like I don’t worry as much as I should. Also, I can’t stop worrying about fanfiction I read when I was like 16 and 17. It really bothers me because I keep wondering did I imagine this one character my age? Why did I read this? Did I even know what aging up was then, and even if I did it’s wrong and gross anyway but if I didn’t age this character up then that’s awful. And i just can’t let go but I think it’s triggering me to have the images so idk what to do.
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
When I talk about how terrible I used to be to my girlfriend it makes me feel like I’m gonna do it again which I don’t wanna do and it scares me and then I get intrusive thoughts and feelings about it doing it but I don’t want to, weird I know.
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