- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
I treat this just like any other intrusive thought. 1) Find out what the compulsion is. In this case, the ruminating- thinking about the past is the compulsion. So you need to do your best to cut out that compulsion. Your brain is trying to go back into the past and “fix” something or make you feel better one way or another. It’s simply not possible. Time travel is not possible. So my advice would be aware that you are ruminating about the past and now I must do my best to cut that out. Live in the moment. You can’t change the past and you can’t live ahead in the future. So let’s do our best with living in the present moment. Figure out a list of the things you value. Do your best to follow those values. Your values will be your compass in your journey to recovery 😊
I really appreciate this answer. Thank you
I know my memory sucks, so I let it float by like a cloud.
Ive had this problem since 2014(or possibly earlier) Dont ruminate, confess to people/ask them if your a good person or do any of your compulsions. It will really make it stick harder to you. Mine got worse, at one point last year I started to doubt whether my memories were accurate at all, if something even worse happened but I cant remember Thats when I truly spiralled into all day everyday compulsions I've gotten tons better now, it doesnt bother me as much. If you said or did something hurtful to someone. Just apologize once to that person without expecting them to accept your apology and forgive you. Then work with your therapist to reduce your compulsions and to build back your self esteem
I have to add that "all or nothing thinking" seems to be very prevalent in this theme. We can never expect perfection from ourselves. With what information and life skills we knew at the time we were kids or teenagers.. we did what we thought was ok to do. Gotta forgive yourself and not repeat it
And I feel that urge to tell people or if I did they would judge me. I need to accept that I cannot change what has happened and obsessing over it will not make it go away.
@JesseSims Ive confessed to parents, friends, strangers online, acquaintances, people on forums. Did this for 8 years+ None of it helps. Its a compulsion, trust me just work with your therapist. You can go around confessing for the next 40 years to every person on the planet but it wont change a thing, it'll only act like quicksand pulling you in deeper into this mess Basing resolution of the guilt on society's opinion is what ocd loves. Half the people will say dont worry, half the people will say omg why did you do that.. a lot of things are in the grey area and that means its uncertain morally. OCD looooves that grey area
@Artme That is so true.. and I try not to beat myself up about it. I was young and had to learn. It did not stick with me through my adulthood and I shouldn’t be scared of it happening again.
@Artme I really appreciate your advice. This is SO helpful 💜
ya I experienced the disgusting feeling, but I dont think its related to OCD only. I think its a normal feeling
True. But I have been dwelling on it all day long.
@JesseSims Oh so its not normal... you should better live in present moment... the past is just in your head. We see the present form of you now. the amazing person that GOD has created
Hey guys today I just wanted to come here and share an experience I have and I generally don't know what to do I feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts and for thinking them I genuinely don't know what to do I don't know the signs behind it and why I think the way I do but it's honestly driving me crazy I don't know what to do I have a pornography addiction for a long time it's where it's like anytime I'm an intimate moment or am masturbating my head just thinks these weird things always the same repetitive thoughts to of family members your younger sibling or a young child I myself am a 17 year old and I feel so disgusted I feel like I can't live my life anymore I feel like I'm a criminal cuz like it feels like I chose this these thoughts like I actively think them I don't know the signs behind it and I just really need professional help if there's any like therapist here that could fill me in that would be nice I would also like to know if you guys had any similar experiences because for me I feel like I have to rewatch pornography and do it right without the thoughts cuz I feel like the thoughts are just like to prevalent anytime I do anything related to masturbation why do I think this way I'm also just trying to be as honest as I can with this I'm not trying to make myself I guess a victim I'm trying to hold myself accountable if I actually am like this because I also have doubts in my head that tells me that I enjoy these things I feel like I'm going crazy someone help because it feels so real like I acted on them or that I was pleasuring myself to the thoughts and not towards the video it's just how can I live with myself you know also during it it felt like I was thinking the thought for a long period of time like it was dominating my head so I couldn't focus it felt l
I would really appreciate it so much if someone took the time to read this and help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t posted here in awhile. I had my OCD managed pretty decently for a year or so on medication, but I had to stop taking it, and after around 3-4 months, the OCD has become unbearable again. It used to be much more surrounding existential themes, eating, and others, not really real event/false memory stuff. But now it’s gotten really out of hand and I don’t know how to do it anymore. It’s surrounding a time of my life a long time ago. It was a dark time. I wasn’t myself and I was going through a lot of things, and I did a lot of things I regret. I self-destructed, embarrassed myself, and wasn’t good to the people around me. I was able to get my mind off of it for a long time, even though I would still think about it a good amount. I was able to be in the present, at least moreso than now. But now that I’m off medication, the guilt has become my obsession again. I can’t move on. I can’t do anything without thinking about all of these memories. I’m obsessed. I’ve started hating myself again, so much so that it’s hard to do anything anymore or believe I deserve anything good. The people around me tell me it wasn’t even that bad, but to me it was. To me, I failed myself, lost myself, and failed everyone around me. I can’t stop thinking about every person I said something wrong to or every time I screwed up. I’ve now started to convince myself I did terrible things I can’t remember, and that my mind just can’t deal with it. And that’s why I feel so guilty. There’s nothing to really support this though. But I’m starting to really convince myself that’s true. I’m trying not to listen to it, because I’ve convinced myself I have hit people with my car before and haven’t remembered when I absolutely didn’t and I know I never have. I drive back over and over to check there’s no one, even though I never heard any bang or felt myself anything. I can convince myself of some crazy false memories. So I know that I shouldn’t listen. But it’s hard not to when I have this guilt gnawing at me constantly. I come to conclusions that this guilt must be because I did something terrible that I don’t remember, even though I already think the things I remember were bad enough. But I would know by now right? If I did something bad I don’t remember? I don’t feel like this all the time. But it’s a lot of the time. But maybe that should be reassuring, that I only start obsessing like this when I think to. The past haunts me though. And I can never be in the present. I’ve started to resort to some unhealthy behaviors to distract myself or help me work towards something. I am starting to hate myself so much and feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out of this loop. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe I need to go back on medication. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to. But will I ever fix this without it? Why do I feel SO guilty, all of the time? I do all these things for people because I feel indebted to them, because I feel undeserving of everything. I feel awful about myself. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else deal with this?
I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔
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