I'm convinced. Loss of attraction will be the death of me. I let in too essily.

What's funny is I barely touch porn now but I went back to it today because in part because of the loss of attraction but it seemed to have made it worse. I've been doing ERP for other aspect and my therapist is having me do ERP for loss of attraction starting today but it's so frustrating and it worries me.

@Jbm421 Don't be to hear on your relapse, man. You're doing good! It's good that you barely touch porn and it's wonderful that you're trying to stop it altogether. I relapsed yesterday but I don't feel too bad about it. Maybe you could try installing some porn blockers. Are you on Brainbuddy?

@BigGip09 What's brainbuddy? I did an ERP (therapist told me to) while on my bike on the way to work. It was a loop tape about loss of attraction and I was supposed to sit with the anxiety and uncertainty. Funny enough, its warm out so the chicks were looking good but the doubt and intrusive thoughts were still there. It's like a habit I cant break...

@BigGip09 It's so easy for my mind to pick apart a girl's looks when I'm ruminating and ruminating is definitely my worst compulsion.

@Jbm421 Brainbuddy is an app that helps people with their porn and masturbating habits. It's been helping me a lot and I just thought you could give it a shot

@Jbm421 Ruminating is a bad compulsion for a lot of us

@BigGip09 I'm stuck in a loop bro. Its days like this where I feel convinced that it's not HOCD and it's all true.

@Jbm421 Some days will be worse than others. And that's fine. Things will get better overtime. I'm going through bad ruminating too.

@BigGip09 I have mostly bad days lately. I'm a doorman and that gives me too much time to ruminate. Funny enough women trigger me probably more than men lately. Anytime I can feel anything for females I triggered badly and my ruminating jumps on that.

@Jbm421 I kinda feel this. Women trigger me in the sense of my fear of being a sexual Deviant. OCD says that it's already happened when I was younger in a phase where I just liked flirting with girls online but OCD says they were all so young even though I was a minor. I just feel really ashamed about my past all the time

@BigGip09 I hear ya. Shit my OCD does a number on me. The loss of attraction zeroes in on women getting old or old women almost as if to increase the intensity of loss of attraction. That's what ruminating gets me. That's also why I doubt OCD. It's a shame because its warm so the cute chicks come out to play but I'm stuck on this bullshit.

@Jbm421 Maybe you should accept the thoughts man. Maybe accept the thoughts and don't fight with them. Deep down it sounds like you genuinely do appreciate the presence of women. But OCD is trying to take that away from you. I look at it like this: If you really weren't attracted to women, would you worry about it then? I don't think so. OCD only worried about things you try to be certain of, and your attraction of women is one of them

@BigGip09 Very true. It's just, I've been at this on and off for so long (HOCD I mean) that it feels like I lost sight of everything. Females especially...

@Jbm421 Only thing that'll help is accepting the thoughts until your brain stops registering it as a fearful thought.

@BigGip09 I just dont find a way to break the mental cycle.

@Jbm421 Do you have a therapist?

@BigGip09 Yeah here on NOCD.

@Jbm421 That's great, maybe you should speak with them about how you feel about this

@BigGip09 I have. She told me to tell the thoughts "yeah, great. You could be right." And then she had me do the looping tape about loss of attraction. Letting the thoughts come while listening. It works only so much.

@BigGip09 I'm sorry bro. I become a mess when I get into a mental groove like this.

@Jbm421 It's okay you're doing the best you can. You just gotta keep practicing. It's hard but it's worth it dude