I don’t even know the wrong from the the right anymore I don’t even know how to talk to people without thinking that I offended them or spoke to them in a bad way I don’t even know what i became I don’t want what I became i just cry looking at my hands I cry looking at myself i feel pathetic I feel so desperate I was never this weak and now look at me not being able to control my own behaviors. What happened to the girl who always laughed and cared so much about herself the girl who loved nail polish and was so close to god in away no one imagined what happened to the girl who used to take full grades and be the smartest what happened to me. Isn’t it sad looking at myself with pity, helpless and full of doubt! I don’t deserve this. I know what’s I’m gonna say know sounds selfish but i do compare myself to others I wasn’t as bad as them so why me and not them! Why me !!... I’m loosing my mind I’m getting angry when I’m left alone I’m giving ocd the keys for the prison it made for me I’m letting it control me not that I want to but im not fighting back. Now im with no friends, with a family that doesn’t understand ocd, and a corrupted society that doesn’t value mental health. I’m so sad i feel like a baby rn but im actually so sad and lonely im conditioned now to believe that no one wants me, that im just a burden and need to be silent, not important and useless.... Idk even know what to say anymore

You said you have a relationship with God.. remember who and who's you are. Your not beyond repair, you have a purpose and a fight so you have to put your foot down and hunt your fears down and stop letting them hunt you and corner you. The Lord didn't give you a spirit of fear, but a mind of peace and love and discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 I could of wrote what you wrote above at one point.... I decided to fight and never quit.... we are children of God remember that. Face your fears sit with them ..... you ever need a friend you reach out....

Wow this sounds like myself wrote it

I can go to God Most High to hide. I can go to God All-Powerful for protection. I say to you Lord, “You are my place of safety, my fortress. My God, I trust in you.” God you will save me from hidden dangers and from deadly diseases. I can go to you for protection. God you will cover me like a bird spreading its wings over its babies. I can trust God to surround and protect me like a shield. I will have nothing to fear at night and no need to be afraid of enemy arrows during the day. I will have no fear of diseases that come in the dark or terrible suffering that comes at noon. A thousand people may fall dead at my side or ten thousand right beside me, but nothing bad will happen to me! All I will have to do is watch, and I will see that the wicked are punished. I trust in the Lord for protection. I have made God Most High my place of safety. So nothing bad will happen to us. No diseases will come near my home. God will command his angels to protect mine wherever we go. Their hands will catch us so that we will not hit our foot on a rock. We will have power to trample on lions and poisonous snakes. The Lord says, “If someone trusts me, I will save them. I will protect my followers who call to me for help. When my followers call to me, I will answer them. I will be with them when they are in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them. I will give my followers a long life and show them my power to save.” Psalms 91:1‭-‬16 ERV https://bible.com/bible/406/psa.91.1-16.ERV+

sorry if I wrote too much. I just read your post and it really put you on my mind. I hate to see people feel that away. God loves you. We all have sufferings of some form on earth. Nobody is exempt. But there is a peace that surpasses understanding with faith in him.

Like you im taking it a day at a time. Stay in touch. I'm glad to take the time. We weren't meant to go at this alone. Love covers a multitude!

Your welcome and I understand. We have to be able to sit with the thought as uncomfortable as it is and remember thoughts aren't our values... 55,000 thoughts cross the human mind a day, its unthinkable to attach meaning to them all. You live in a fallen world and your exposed to things that you don't like they trigger you. Face them, yes they exist yes they are a reality for some. You serve the God and he has integrity . Use the word as not a compulsion, rewire your mind with the words through a steady relationship . The mind will change. The bible says to renew and transform the mind (Roman's is a great book FYI) Its ever changing.

I read this everyday, at least most at 9am. Strong word of encouragement remember that the word is the sword, and prayer really does work. Don't make it a reassurance , face your fears because your strong and you live in a sinful world where weird distressing things always cross people's minds. People don't share everything, only what they want you to see, even the ones you think are perfect have problems. Some just get good at playing hide n seek with them... you are a warrior and you hunt your fears down and conquer them. Your perspective will determine alot of our outcome. Your normal, your wonderfully made, you have just given yourself to insecurities and worry and its hijacked our way of thinking... GUILTY MYSELF. LET'S turn it around rewire our minds... read books, exercise, pray daily, journal, less tv, walks, be and think on the things you want to be and be INTENTIONAL on doing them. Most importantly face these fears, it's empowering when your pursuing them instead of you constantly feel being pursued... use the tools and your ERP. Expose it, in the bible it says it this way....Ephesians 5:11 English Standard Version 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. God is still in control!

I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (verses. 38–39)

You have to accept the realities and pains this world has, but in no way does this mean you agree or want these outcomes. God knows your heart friend, he knows the fight your in, you cannot deteriorate or separate the love he has for you. That's the assurance that he left a peace that surpasses all understanding to you. It is a fight, but he gives rest to those who lean on him. There is much healing in true repentance.. we often don't engage that need of repentance as we should. I traveled down a road of understanding that and it has opened my eyes and my ability to be closer to God. Face your fears, and remember we are strongest on our knees.... reach out whenever

Which verse?

Paul had thoughts and fears and his works were immeasurable. People think of porn or punching a person at church while praise .... its just a thought.... it doesn't determine the individual you are. If you go do those things it does, if your looking at stuff consistently you shouldn't and opening those doors without attempting not to .... the unforgivable sin is not asking for forgiveness or genuinely repenting.

I think you would benefit greatly from reading Roman's. Many have and do. Myself included. It is about knowing who you are in Christ eyes. Love you man... your Gonna have to bear the battle for your mind as you have a enemy who wants it. But take heart in Jesus, for he overcome the world! Your on your way.... face the thoughts sit with them, Jesus did it in the desert for 40 days. It's the Wilderness friend.... you love God, so now you got a fight on your hands. The key here is trust God for the he places the steps of the righteous man

I have had those and I am a person that aspires to help seed hope in others, yet sometimes my issue is I think I could snap and harm those around me.

Him*