18+ I am a male who’s been struggling with HOCD for six years now I’ve had a porn addiction since a very young age I’d say about nine years old ever since my hocd started getting worse I cannot look at guy and girl porn anymore I have to watch lesbian porn so my brain doesn’t try and confuse itself with the male but even watching lesbian porn OCD seems to attack me while I’m enjoying it it starts to tell me you would feel this good with a guy or you see how they just go for it it that’s how you will be with a male and I just cringe and get so fucking frustrated because I’m tired of overthinking this bullshit I have loved woman since I was a little kid I don’t wanna continue my life questioning my sexuality I rather be dead sometimes i’ve even avoided hanging out with male friends male family members or even just avoiding eye contact or even small talk with males on the street because I know my anxiety will kick in even using public bathrooms were males are there triggers me and I just don’t wanna use them if there’s anybody in there the confusion and the anxiety sometimes causes me to wanna vomit I get groinal response but never erections to these thoughts I do get tingly sensations in my mouth which make me believe I want to act upon oral sex thoughts and that is just the scariest and most disgusting thing

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

Definitely stop watching adult content. Like most of us, you've been addicted to it unfortunately at a young age and it does a lot of things to you. It makes you act out the things you see, your perception of people change, and from what it sounds like, it's trying to warp your sexuality. Definitely work on abstaining from this. It's worth it. As for these thoughts that go against your sexual orientation, don't fight them. You're better off accepting them and not falling that ruminating periods.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I don’t like when people say accept the thoughts like I can’t that’s weird it causes me soo much stress and anxiety and nausea

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

Can I ask what you think when you hear people tell you to accept the thoughts? It definitely doesn't mean agreeing with the thoughts. Ruminating is a compulsion and it leaves you trying to find an answer you can't. Even if you can find it, you'll still feel stuck. What I'm trying to get at is, having these thoughts is nothing to be ashamed of. It's okay to just have thoughts because our minds think of do many things without us being able to control it. What you can control is how you react to the thoughts but this takes time. It's okay if that all sounds really confusing. Just start with trying to cut down on your addictive watching habits.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

When people tell me except the thoughts I feel like they’re telling me just except the fact that I’m gay and stop hiding it like no dude that scares the fuck out of me yes your right on the porn cutting back I’ve heard that even from a therapist thank you for the advice tho !

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

You being scared of the possibilities of being a homosexual should tell you that this is OCD. But you also have to understand the tactics to combat the thinking habits. I'm really glad your therapist can help.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I actually just started therapy because I had no choice I was having even suicidal thoughts because I just didn’t know what to do anymore it gets so depressing living every single day of my life wondering and questioning that I enjoy this did I enjoy that I mean it’s really taking over my life making me miss important moments it’s shit but got to have faith and stay strong I appreciate you commenting on my post made me feel a lot better thanks man

BigGyro09

Date posted: 4y

No problem man you've made a powerful decision to seek help from a therapist it shows you want to get better and it shows you actually don't want to be like your thoughts. It'll get better. I'm glad I was able to help by commenting :)

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