Does anyone else struggle with seeking help when your OCD is bad? For instance, I mainly struggle with Existential OCD, and do a LOT of ruminating, on a good day 3-4 hours, on a bad day or during a spike, nearly every single second I’m awake, and sometimes in my dreams as well. But because I’m ruminating and trying to disprove my scary intrusive thoughts, I feel scared of seeking help, because I know they’ll make me stop- and then what am I left with? Uncertainty. I know everyone probably says this, but my thoughts feel so torturous sometimes that I don’t know if it’s be worth recovery if I have to be uncertain about these horrible thoughts. I know rationally that’s a bad perspective and my anxiety would likely be reduced, but I’ll never know if my terrifying thoughts are true or not, and I don’t know if I can deal with that forever. I actually doubt that I can. Maybe this is my OCD struggling to stay alive, and a part of me just really wants to be able to shrug off intrusive or disturbing thoughts like a person without OCD, be able to think about conspiracy theories and laugh them off like I was able to before, without panicking and spiraling into a dark, scary place in my mind at their very mention. How do you guys deal with this? Please help, because I’m both afraid of seeking help and afraid I’ll never seek help at the same time.

Recover is 100% worth it. I have religious OCD as well as a few other themes and it was taking over my life, and now it’s just an annoyance. I have my bad days but they’re never ever close to what they were. Uncertainty is part of life, and part of faith! The reason OCD sufferers specifically struggle so much with that uncertainty is because we don’t rationalize thoughts the way most people do, our brain can get caught in loops and connect with neuropathways that are entirely unrelated (hence compulsions and pure OCD compulsions that seem entirely unrelated to the anxiety) so it’s normal to feel as though uncertainty is the enemy. But the knowledge that the enemy is the fear of uncertainty is what’s most important. After working through my OCD I’m actually finding relief in thinking “it’s out of my control, and worrying about it won’t fix anything” more and more. It’s like a weight off your shoulders. You’re working towards that- not towards finding the reassurance and answers to your fears. You’ve got this!!!

I used to have so much more trouble seeking help with my OCD. While it was for different reasons, “that I had to do it myself”, it had the same cause, OCD desperately trying to keep its grip on me. You mention that you don’t know if you can deal with uncertainty “forever”. Maybe don’t try for forever. Maybe just think for 3 minutes, then 8, and so on, but not forever, just manageable chunks of actual time. You are not alone in this struggle. And hey, you reached out asking for help on how to get help! That’s a great step! Sending you strength and comfort. 💪🏼💜