CAN SOMEONE PLEASE REPLY TO THIS? I’m so scared that a memory I once thought was false is real and I keep getting evidence that I’m really a child molester? In grade 8, I’d often put my hands on my sister while we were sleeping to be warm . Nothing sexual , id just touch her arm or put my leg on her leg , normal stuff cuz house was cold . I have this memory of touching her innapropriately during then but it doesn’t make much sense . It randomly popped into my brain once because when I was playing with her her clothes were loose and I saw skwnfjijg and then freaked out wondering whether seeing that was sexual assault and this memory popped up . What if I’m remembering the sequence wrong ? Now the evidence that it may be false is that I later developed false memory ocd and ocd in general . Except idk if this is even good development of ocd , like in grade 8 I’d ruminate on this but it didn’t take up my life , grade 9 I’d get groinals if I touched my friends accidentally innapropriately and wonder if I sexually assaulted them but the worry dissipates in a few minutes , if I ever had a fantasy my best friends face would just pop up , but it didn’t make me too anxious just irritated and annoyed . Then I had an obsession over whether I ya HIV and ruminated on that but then that worry dissipated tok after a few days and I would do compulsions for that one . In the summer later I got POCD since I worked on a children’s summer camp so never let them close to me , then in grade 10 I had pretty obvious ocd . In grade 9 I was also randomly worried that I liked my friends little brother who was 12? I’m so scared that grade 9 wasn’t ocd and that I’m actually a molester because I had the obsessions just not the compulsions . Is this evidence im a molester ?

I really don’t know because I also had some sort slight psychosis at the time and THEN I think it was the beginning of ocd but there’s really no way to know . Like I CONSTANTLY find evidence that I touched her innapropriately and I went on the child on child sexual abuse pages and they all seem remorseful if their actions and people are like “oh sometimes teens act on a passing impulse “ so I really don’t know

@Lucy.Wilefire But it wasn’t the type of psychosis where you wanna people . It was more of a hyper fantasy daydream than “lets molest children !” But the memory is so distorted like in this memory which I’ve reviewed 100s of times over the years I have this sick pride of being like a rapist and joining him ? It’s so weird .

@Lucy.Wilefire The more you review a memory (a compuosion) the more likey it's going to get distorted. Kind of like playing telephone.

@Ben84 It’s so weird . But I still do this now? Like recently I had this false memory of watching teen porn and I was like okay whatever I’m also a teen and those girls are older than me and THEN freaking out and realizing it’s bad . When I first had this memory I first tried to make it seem like it wasn’t that bad because I was confused and scared of it . So i tried to remember exactly where my hand was and tried to spin a coin to ask god whether or not it’s real but not actually beleiving that? And reading on various types of assault . I also read up on false memories because what the fuck ? That’s so messed up like why would I even try to make it seem not that bad ? What if that’s evidence I did it ?

@Lucy.Wilefire You're getting yourself more and more tangled up ☹...

@Ben84 But it’s so messed up because another sort of “justification” was what if the devil possessed you and made you do it? And my reasoning was that this memory contained a random voice telling me to do it ? Which I know isn’t likely I didn’t have that type of psychosis that told me to hurt others . I think I might have added that in ? Is that part of false memory ocd ?

@Lucy.Wilefire Most likely

@Ben84 It’s just strange not knowing for sure

@Lucy.Wilefire Understandable ☺.

@Ben84 Thanks for helping !

@Lucy.Wilefire U r reacting to your thoughts way too much. Research about ERP properly and then start doing it!