Can hocd really feel this real? I can never shake it off that I’m not really straight. It just seems that one day out of the blue I realized I was gay. I don’t even know anymore. Every time I see I pretty girl it feels so real, I try to accept the thought but it just doesn’t work. I just want to like guys and that’s all.

It does feel real. But it’s not. Trust the uncertainty. Anytime you start to have this thought, tell yourself it’s just an intrusive thought. By definition it’s an intrusive thought because you don’t want it! That’s all it is!

I'm going through the very same thing right now. It feels real because my OCD is being really convincing. "Remember when you were 14 and you did XYZ?" "Remember that one erection that you had that one time?" "Remember when you weren't able to have sex?" Blah blah blah. It's bugging me a lot, and I feel like I've been living a lie. The very idea of being with a man makes me cringe, but then my brain kicks in and gives me reasons to believe otherwise.

i can relate sm. ever time i see a girl my ocd says i like them and it feels SOOO real. the thing that sucks for me is that my anxiety is barely there so idek anymore

The OCD is mainly compulsions. I try to stop them but it is so hard to stop.

Yes, no longer feel alone in this madness

Embrace the uncertainty. Sexuality can be super fluid and mutable and the less we try to categorize ourselves the less hold OCD will have on us!!

@nicolep123 - it can be fluid. Some people know they’re straight or gay their whole lives and don’t feel any change or uncertainty and that’s fine. I just know for me that I thought of myself as very straight in high school and had a lot of horrible HOCD because of it. Now I’m dating a woman. That doesn’t necessarily mean I wasn’t straight in high school. Just saying that the more we try to put ourselves in boxes, the more potential the OCD has to “attack” that understood definition of ourselves. If we accept that things can change and maybe we’ll never be 100% anything, we can tolerate intrusive thoughts more (at least in my experience) I know that was long, hope it makes sense!

It means that most people are, at one point of their life, at least curious about what sex would be like with the same sex (for straight people) and vise versa.

@nicolep123 i understand that and I'm right there with you. I remember being attracted to girls from a very early age. I remember experimenting with a girl when I was 10 and fantasized about being with them all the time. As I wrote in my post this morning, to which no one answered ?, when I was young, probably 13, I was bullied and called gay. I knew I wasn't, bc I still liked and wanted to be with girls, but as a dumb teenager I wanted to see what it would be like. I never took it physical bc I didn't want that, but I was curious. At one point I realized that that wasn't me and that I wanted to stop this. After that I fell in love with quite a few girls, I had a few experiences with girls, which I always think of. And I couldn't stop thinking about girls! But after I was rejected by the love of my life I took the downturn and feel exactly as you do. I know I was born straight, bc I was always naturally drawn to women, but my OCD keeps bombarding me with this crap and I can't move on. We have to live with uncertainty. How is another question.

OCD is the "what if" illness.

That is the pure definition of an intrusive thought. Some thought that you don’t want and for people who suffer from OCD, they cause distress. The fact that it is causing you distress should tell you it’s the opposite of what you are. You have to trust the uncertainty and expose yourself to what makes you nervous. Don’t avoid things. Don’t stop dating guys. Don’t avoid gay people or them in TV or movies. But when you start to have an intrusive thought, just remember it’s an intrusive thought based on pure definition because it causes you distress.

Thanks so much, you guys have all been really helpful☺️

Well said @marissa13

what do you mean when you say sexuality is fluid?

^ deputydean said it a lot more concisely than me!!

well i just always considered myself straight my whole life (i still do) but every time i tell myself i’m straight i keep getting thoughts telling me i’m not and i’m just repressing my sexuality. i’ve been BOY CRAZY my whole life. now i just feel like i lost a lot of attraction towards them. idk what to do. am i still straight ?

so are all these “what if” questions just my ocd?

i just can’t stop think “what if this isn’t ocd and i’m really just bi but don’t know it” i feel like all of this has changed my sexuality. i feel like i’m just questioning my sexuality and i really don’t want to. i’m lost

Well said @Jake12

Marissa13, it is well said. But please be careful, what you just write can trigger a lot of people HOCD