Guys helppp!! I had a very bad day due to Ocd... I have been betrayed by both of my parents, they completely ignored me as their child after they broke up and never ever showed me love or help in anything since then. Then my father suddenly died last year of a serious illness and now I feel more lonely and hurt than ever. Because of these traumatic events i cannot show trust to anyone whether its a friend or my husband. I am having a terrible time in my marriage because i cannot trust my partner, i doubt everything every day i think "what if he is lying?", "what if he doesn't really love me?". It is so awful and i cannot enjoy anything now. No matter how stupid or fake my thoughts are i believe so much in them that it is like i am experiencing these fears. Today i cried and felt extremely bad because of these thoughts...any advice would be helpful! Thank you all!

Hey, Zoed. So based on what I read it sounds like you're going through a lot right now. More than you might be able to handle. I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope it gets better. I'm sorry that your parents haven't been on good terms either. Understanding that you have OCD, which is a doubting disorder and it will go after anything that you care the most about. Understand that this isn't your fault, none of this is. You are suffering and it's okay to not be okay. As human beings, we all suffer together. What you can do about these thoughts I'd acknowledge them as just that: thoughts. You don't have to give them meaning. You don't have to act on any of them. And you don't have to reason with them. You can even use these thoughts as some sort of exposure, such as saying "maybe, maybe not" or agreeing with the thoughts even. The thing about these thoughts is that you will never be certain about your partner's trust. You may have not realized this prior to OCD, but you have always assumed that you had your partner's trust and didn't have any second guesses about it. Now with OCD, however, you feel that you have to doubt, check, figure out, and try to understand pretty much everything. I'm here to tell you that you do not have to that. It will only lead you into going in circles. Try challenging the thoughts. Tell your husband how you're feeling. Tell him what you're going through and know that he will be there for you. He along with this entire community will be here to support, help, and guide you in any way we can! Don't give up. :)

Thank you very much for your advice! Your words are really helpful to me! I have realized that my relationship is the center of my ocd thoughts and anxiety because i have inside me feelings of betrayal, people that were supposed to love and give me security gave up on me and lied so i have created the rule "All people lie, all people think I don't have value so I must be treated like i am a zero". It is really sad that I have lost trust and pure feelings but I find it very difficult to win back my past self and forget all the negative feelings I have inside me. My husband knows everything and tries to help me on his own way but he is not an expert and sometimes cannot really understand how my thoughts terrorise me and how real they seem to me. I told him that every time i have an ocd episode to not give special attention and just try to be there. However sometimes the episodes are so intense that he feels so bad and sad for me and tries to give me as much support as he can. I think it's really difficult for the partners of ocd sufferers to understand and be calm while their loved ones seem to suffer so much. I think they should have a psychological support too.

I just want you to know I have exactly the same fears. I woke up this morning after having a bad dream. My husband was hooking up with someone else in the dream. I spent 60 mins this morning reading a script to myself and sitting with the anxiety. I have major trust issues too, from being hurt in the past. I think this is why my OCD latches on to my intimate relationships. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m happy to offer exposure ideas and let you know I’m working on the same thing.

Absolutely. For me the only way out is the way through. I’m surprised I ever got married given how strong my anxiety is about being hurt. The way I think about it, OCD already has me living in my worst fears by sending me these vivid intrusive thoughts. I may as well just try and enjoy my time with my partner because if it does ever happen that I’m hurt I’ll have to deal with the painful heartbreaking feelings then. Why torture myself now. I’m trying to not avoid things that scare me: movies with attractive women, attractive women out in the world my partner sees or interacts with. I can’t control what he decides to do, only how I choose to respond. For me staring fear in the face with exposures is so important. If it’s scary I have to approach. I’m happy to be a buddy in the work. We can keep each other posted on how it’s going. Find me on Snapchat. Fayete99