- Username
- zoed
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hey, Zoed. So based on what I read it sounds like you're going through a lot right now. More than you might be able to handle. I'm really sorry for your loss. I hope it gets better. I'm sorry that your parents haven't been on good terms either. Understanding that you have OCD, which is a doubting disorder and it will go after anything that you care the most about. Understand that this isn't your fault, none of this is. You are suffering and it's okay to not be okay. As human beings, we all suffer together. What you can do about these thoughts I'd acknowledge them as just that: thoughts. You don't have to give them meaning. You don't have to act on any of them. And you don't have to reason with them. You can even use these thoughts as some sort of exposure, such as saying "maybe, maybe not" or agreeing with the thoughts even. The thing about these thoughts is that you will never be certain about your partner's trust. You may have not realized this prior to OCD, but you have always assumed that you had your partner's trust and didn't have any second guesses about it. Now with OCD, however, you feel that you have to doubt, check, figure out, and try to understand pretty much everything. I'm here to tell you that you do not have to that. It will only lead you into going in circles. Try challenging the thoughts. Tell your husband how you're feeling. Tell him what you're going through and know that he will be there for you. He along with this entire community will be here to support, help, and guide you in any way we can! Don't give up. :)
Thank you very much for your advice! Your words are really helpful to me! I have realized that my relationship is the center of my ocd thoughts and anxiety because i have inside me feelings of betrayal, people that were supposed to love and give me security gave up on me and lied so i have created the rule "All people lie, all people think I don't have value so I must be treated like i am a zero". It is really sad that I have lost trust and pure feelings but I find it very difficult to win back my past self and forget all the negative feelings I have inside me. My husband knows everything and tries to help me on his own way but he is not an expert and sometimes cannot really understand how my thoughts terrorise me and how real they seem to me. I told him that every time i have an ocd episode to not give special attention and just try to be there. However sometimes the episodes are so intense that he feels so bad and sad for me and tries to give me as much support as he can. I think it's really difficult for the partners of ocd sufferers to understand and be calm while their loved ones seem to suffer so much. I think they should have a psychological support too.
I just want you to know I have exactly the same fears. I woke up this morning after having a bad dream. My husband was hooking up with someone else in the dream. I spent 60 mins this morning reading a script to myself and sitting with the anxiety. I have major trust issues too, from being hurt in the past. I think this is why my OCD latches on to my intimate relationships. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m happy to offer exposure ideas and let you know I’m working on the same thing.
Thank you very much for your help! I have always wondered if other people think so many weird things about their partners and are in a constant anxious mood. It means a lot to listen stories from other people that have the same worries and fears. Unfortunately being hurt in the past lives deep wounds that need therapy and help. If you can give me any sort of exercise or tip i would love to hear it! Thank you again!
Absolutely. For me the only way out is the way through. I’m surprised I ever got married given how strong my anxiety is about being hurt. The way I think about it, OCD already has me living in my worst fears by sending me these vivid intrusive thoughts. I may as well just try and enjoy my time with my partner because if it does ever happen that I’m hurt I’ll have to deal with the painful heartbreaking feelings then. Why torture myself now. I’m trying to not avoid things that scare me: movies with attractive women, attractive women out in the world my partner sees or interacts with. I can’t control what he decides to do, only how I choose to respond. For me staring fear in the face with exposures is so important. If it’s scary I have to approach. I’m happy to be a buddy in the work. We can keep each other posted on how it’s going. Find me on Snapchat. Fayete99
Feeling so lost and overwhelmed. My ocd has been focused on my boyfriend for the past year. We had a rough patch and he made some new friends at work. I then became obsessed he fancied one of them and went through all his messages and obsessively questioned him. He has stood by the fact he didn’t like her like that and other people who speak to him about it think he didn’t. He’s spoken to my therapist and tried to help, but I just can’t get it in my head he’s not lying. The things I believe to be ‘evidence may aren’t really telling. I found out they were still chatting on insta once she left his company but the convo was fairly platonic - they were just talking about work and the new people. She did make a comment it would be more fun if I was still there, but she is french so there is a slight language barrier (I thought this sounded flirty). She also messaged him about a festival she was at with her boyfriend. He said they are very in love and moved in together and from her social media they seem that way. I also once came home and picked up his phone and it opened onto a video of her he’d been watching which he’d filmed of her falling asleep in the office. He said he’d just been flicking through his videos but I became obsessed he was really missing her. All my family and friends think he’s telling the truth. He’s taken me to doctors appointments and keeps telling me the power is in my hands. I told him the other day I’ve spent the past year imagining the things I believe to be true and negatively reinforcing it and said it’s hard to unlearn. He was upset by this and said why have you done that when I’m not lying. He said that if what he’s told me isn’t enough that’s okay. Maybe I can’t get over the fact he had this friend and I can’t trust what he said. Prior to this we’d been together happily for 5 years. He’s now said we’ve spent a year unhappy, me not trusting him and breaking down. He said he wants to really move on with life, start saving for a house etc and has asked me to draw a line under this. He’s broken up with me 3 times in the past to give me a wake up call that he cannot take the questioning and yet I still feel I don’t believe him. I was cheated on in the past and I think that’s really traumatised me. I don’t want my ocd to force me to leave him. It’s seems so unfair, had I not had ocd I wouldn’t have viewed it like this. But maybe I can’t get over it - even though nothing has happened. I feel so bad for putting him through this and so bad I’m not helping myself either. Just want some kind words. Has anyone else ever had their ocd stop them from being able to see things clearly or how other people do?
have been in a committed long distance relationship for 6 years. At the 1.5 year mark when I was 16 and my boyfriend was 17. A girls friend came forward and told me that her friend slept with my boyfriend. At the time he lived with other billet brothers as well in a very small town The girl had no text messages the only thing she knew was what his bedroom looked like and parts of the house.. As well her friend sent me a screen shot of a text the girl sent her saying that she banged my boyfriend don’t tell anyone 3 days after the date she gave me. and 5 days before she told me my boyfriend posted a picture of us and someone put her username on the post and was liked by her friends. I knew they were friends and snap chatted each other. She didn’t apologize and she told me she was cheated on in the past… she made herself look really good. She gave me a specific time frame she said she went to his place at 6:00 pm and left at 8:30. At the time I was petrified of him cheating on me so I constantly obsessed and watched his location. So I remember that night and I had texts that we had at around 7:00. I found pictures that proved he was not home until 8:00 and his billet parents talked to me going through calendars saying that she believed they watched a movie that night which is what my boyfriend told me they did that night. I also talked to someone who had a kid at the same event as my boyfriend and told me the time frame his team was there till. I remembered all the info because I was already petrified. I have talked to my mom ( who was cheated on by my dad and destroyed my family) and she doesn’t believe it. I told 2 of my best friends and they say it didn’t happen. Now even with all this information the OCD won’t let me move on… bottom line is I believe my boyfriend and as well all the information that I have found backs up his story but there’s always the “what if” for about 3 years I was handling it well until covid and I had to isolate for 2 weeks. My OCD tells me that 1. my boyfriends a cheater… 2. that I am a weak person… 3: that my relationship isn’t whole… 4. that I am stupid… 5. that because this girl said this it has to be true… 6. that ur always supposed to believe the girl… it shows me images of them having sex in my head… 7. It tells me what I remember is false… ( which makes me go in loops of reassuring myself and asking others) 8. that his billet parents are lying for him (even though I had a close relationship with them both),… 9. that some how it must have happened 10. i get this pit drop in my stomach, 11. heart palpitations when it got really bad 12. And some times it’s just a feeling that I know it’s there 13. other times it makes me hate my boyfriend 14. when it comes I start to avoid my boyfriend and he notices…, 15. triggers include hockey rinks, when I meet someone that was from close to where he played hockey my OCD says what if they know something you don’t. Seeing teammates that were on that team with him. Hearing the name of the town. I have immense regret on how I handled the situation I go over what I would do differently etc, for ex. I never confronted her when it happened about about what I found because I felt like I didn’t need to and I always regretted not confronting her so my OCD got so bad that I did confront her 4 years later I thought maybe this girl would confess to lying years later now that she is older… just last month I dm’d her and I told her my proof and she pretty much told me what’s her motive ( even though she told me she was in love with him)… that she doesn’t care about my so called proof and that he cheated on me and I decided to stay… She was so bloody mean. Now this is like an extra ammo for OCD because now there is someone a real person saying that my OCD is right. I have talked to my boyfriend and he has talked to other teammates that he plays with now about it because he doesn’t know what to do. I am beyond stuck. I don’t want to leave this relationship because it is so good and I love him so much but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. You guys might be asking why I have stayed if I could leave tomorrow and this could all be gone… it’s because if I leave my OCD wins and it will just move onto something else. I’m just so tired of fighting the battle in my mind I don’t want to do it anymore. I have looked into ERP therapy but I don’t know how it will help me when my OCD is based off of a real life event that I wasn’t there for. Being cheated on is my worst fear in life because of my parents, I believe they are the worst type of people, and that’s why if he did this to me I’m with a horrible person and that’s why it has so much power…
I struggled with severe ocd since I was in 2nd grade and now I’m turning 19 so I’ve had it basically my whole life, I’ve had it bc my dad abused my mom when I was little all the way up until I was a teenager and it really hurts me and affects my life. I have intrusive thoughts and images of loved ones getting hurt and I constantly overthink about my relationship and it got worst since I became a mother bc I ALWAYS worry about my daughter and I’m scared and it makes me panic I always think that if I listen to certain songs,take showers,get cute,put on certain clothes,or just take care of myself in general that something will happen and it makes my mental health worse and i have severe anxiety I struggled with pyschosis for 2 weeks and addiction to pills I don’t have money to get a therapist or even health insurance please help me how to stop it bc even when I try to let the thoughts pass through it hurts me and makes me freeze and not even be able to breathe bc of it and I can’t even say certain words bc I overthink that something will happen and it makes me want to take my life
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