Two days ago I was hospitalized for a panic attack and now I’m sober (TW: panic attacks, alcoholism, eating disorders) I’d been relying on alcohol for a while to self medicate my somatic OCD, dysphasia, and swallow anxiety. I’ve also been using it to cope with working odd hours from home and living with my parents. Two days I began to experience some mild alcohol withdrawals (shakes, nausea, dehydration) after having drank a lot and eaten very little the previous day. It wasn’t anything unbearable, until I came on with a sudden bout of nausea and went to my bed to lay down. My heart began racing and felt like I was going to die. I called my boyfriend to tell him what was happening and asked him to call me in a few hours to check on me (my parents whom I live with are out of town so I was by myself). I’ve worked in rehab so I know that alchohol withdrawals went deadly, but can cause seizures in extreme cases. I also recently had a family friend die in her sleep from complication from alcoholism and an eating disorder. I then began having a full blown panic attack and felt like I was going to die. I dialed 911 and the paramedics came. They looked at my heart rate and asked me questions and assured me I was only experiencing a panic attack. I declined to go to hospital and they left once my boyfriend arrived to make sure I wasn’t alone. After about a half an hour, I still couldn’t bring myself out of the panic. I was shaking, crying, my vision became blurry, and I could barely swallow any water. My boyfriend drove me to ER because I still felt like I was going to die. They put be on IV fluids for the dehydration and some meds (Ativan) to bring down my panic and anxiety. When the doctor examined me he reassured me my alcohol dependence and physical health were no where near the levels that would be considered deadly, and what I was experiencing was just a panic attack exasperated by mild withdrawals and dehydration. He gave me a short term prescription for Xanax and some referrals to addiction counselors. Since leaving the hospital, I haven’t drank at all and have only been using the Xanax (not abusing it or driving after taking it) and marijuana in the form of vape pens and THC gummies. I also take sertraline (Zoloft) daily and have been taking SSRIs for years. I’m scared of the idea of becoming completely alcohol free, at least until 1) I’m no longer taking Xanax, and 2) lowered my alcohol tolerance to avoid experiencing withdrawals or over drinking again. Has anyone else dealt with sobriety or other forms of addictions? I feel really scared moving forward rn.