At this point, I'm fairly confident in my ability to overcome most of my triggers but the loss of attraction has done permanent damage that I seriously doubt can be fixed at this point. And its its currently the biggest source of my ruminating.

Too many years, too many thoughts...😢

I just hate the way my thought process has gotten because of this crap. Its affected damn near every movie or show I watch or even conversations I have. And the thoughts have gotten worse.

@Jbm421 Yeah bro I totally understand man I feel the same way. It's gotten so bad where every single thing I do makes me feel like crap. I cant even work on my car and bend over to reach something cause ocd starts telling me intrusive shit lol😂. But I have been so bad before and then it like almost completely went away and I was like I never had hocd. That shows that it is possible to take the power away from the thoughts to the point where you don't even get them anymore bro. Just have hope. I have literally been so damn suicidal crying myself to sleep these past few days but like 2 days ago I started to do much better because you have to treat them like normal thoughts and DO NOT overthink and start ruminating or else you go in the downward spiral. Ik it sucks asssss when you feel like you don't get turned on by a girl and you need to be sure so you keep trying to check but you must not check or else you are giving ocd power because you're reacting to it and treating it like it's something serious. Treat it like a normal random thought and don't continue to think about it and it will get better and weaker beo trust me. It's hard but it works. And it will feel so damn real but thats why it hurts us. Like when you watch a super scary movie you know it's not real at all but you genuinely are so damn tense and scared, ocd is the same lol it feels real and it causes brainlock to the point where no matter what you do it STILL feels like you're lying to yourself but no bro. Some psychologists say that HOCD has nothing to do with your sexual orientation lol Its just mind fuck. Many things like backdoor spike which is where you focus so much on it and you see a girl and check if you get turned on but you feel nothing, and you see a guy and you dony wanna feel anything but you start to get aroused or something, it's called backdoor spike but man it feels so damn real. And many other things with anxiety bro but don't focus on it anymore or else you give it power and it starts to beat you

@Anonymous I hear ya bro. Dont get me wrong, I've been doing much better than I was weeks ago. Doing ERP and going to the gym every day has helped, I can do things but this one thing has become the centerpiece of my obsession. The ruminating doesnt help. But thank you bro. I appreciate the pep talk. Good luck in your recovery....