Hey another day, another crisis😏. The story is a bit complicated, so I’ll try to keep it short and simple. Basically my best friend has been hooking up/ hanging out with this guy who is a manager at our job. We are all around the same age, he’s just a young manager. Anyways once she told me they started to have a fling again, (because this has happened a couple months ago in the past), I got extremely upset. She told me and I was just really disappointed in her because this guy isn’t a good person, plus he’s our manager which makes it worse. When I tried to discuss it with her she just kept saying “it’s okay, we don’t know what the future holds, we’ll see what happens”, although this is extremely unlike her because she also has ocd and is always extremely precise and overthinking about everything. Anyways it’s been a few days, and I’m still really distraught. I want to just not care, but something isn’t allowing me to just move on. Keep in mind about a year ago I had an ex best friend who got a boyfriend and completely pushed me out of her life. I’ve been through this before, and I think internally I’m scared of getting hurt again. Not to mention my best friend is literally my support system. I realized I depend on her for most things in my life, since I have a not good relationship with my family. Her getting a boyfriend feels like she’s cheating on me in a way, which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but in reality she is my person. I wouldn’t be able to like survive without her. So I’ve been feeling this feeling of dread mixed with anger and just like crying a lot. I hate feeling like this and I want to get myself together, I just don’t know how. My ocd makes me obsess over it, and now I’m getting intrusive thoughts. What if I get so angry I go on a rampage and hurt the guy? That also sounds completely and absolutely ridiculous but Im scared I’ll want to hurt someone. I’m usually not an angry person, but now I’m convinced I’m turning crazy or something. Not to mention I started worrying about my future. To be honest I don’t think of having a boyfriend right now or really like anyone in general. I’m confused about my sexuality, because most men give me the ick. So I’m thinking about the future and imagining all my friends getting boyfriends and them caring about them more than they do me, and making me their 2nd choice for when they aren’t busy with their boyfriends. Again I realize this sounds really dumb, but I keep imagining it in my head and It’s not very fun. It makes me think I’m some crazy person who depends on my friends caring about me enough or else I’ll have a whole breakdown. Anyways it felt good to write that out. I think like any other ocd “episode” I’ve had, it’ll get better eventually, and for now I need to work on being more self dependent, and work on my self esteem.