Mornings are literally the worst. Numbing of feelings is also the worst. Urges to break up are terrible.

Yes... I feel very anxious when we aren't near each other.

@Daria Alexandrovna Yea my therapist told me i should schedule days to not speak to him or see him. Haven’t really gotten to that yet because it makes me nervous

@Anonymous Well for me it happens naturally bc we see each other 5 days out of 3 weeks usually and we don't text each other much. Just calls sometimes. It's hard bc I tend to actually sometimes switch my attention to something else, but then I get triggered 'what if I don't love him if I don't think about him'

@Anonymous This was my first trigger actually

@Daria Alexandrovna Yeaa i totally get this ! I’m always like well if i don’t talk to him that means i don’t love him or if i don’t think about him or miss him it makes me think i don’t love him.

@Anonymous Yes, 100%. I feel very scared I don't 'love enough' and it means we're doomed and I am going to love less and less. And then I go too deep trying to measure everything I felt and I feel now. It's not great at all

@Daria Alexandrovna Yepp i hate the cycle....and each thought we have seems so real even knowing that it’s most likely our ocd

@Anonymous Yes, 100%, and ROCD is so hard bc relationship is already hard and messy by itself, inconsistent, but it's fine. I just want us to be alright and I cannot accept the probability of not loving my partner

@Daria Alexandrovna Yes i feel like ROCD is my biggest struggle. Unfortunately accepting that possibility is a huge part of our recovery

@Anonymous Yeah I know but it seems like accepting will make me think that it'd true

@Daria Alexandrovna I also understand that.....it’s crazy how we’re supposed to agree with the thoughts that pop up but like the more i tell myself that those things may be true the more i think they are. And i also try to stay away from ERP when I’m doing good just because i don’t want to remind myself but it just comes back. Ughh so frustrating !

@Anonymous Yeah... you know accepting isn't necessarily agreeing. But it's hard...

@Daria Alexandrovna Yes i know they’re not the same thing.... Just accepting and agreeing that the thought may be true or not.

@Anonymous Yeah but even thinking of this makes me hella worried.

@Daria Alexandrovna Yeaa were all just living in constant fear it’s exhausting

@Anonymous Yeah my ROCD has gone so far especially combined with depression, it's like I still want to do everything with my bf, I want it, and I choose him and not anyone else, but my mind twists it like hell. It says 'maybe you're just denying it bc you don't want to be disappointed?' disappointment is my core fear because I am really serious about relationship and that they are ideal. It's very tight in my chest even when I type this to you.

@Anonymous It's so morphing. With each month, it changes drastically. The thoughts switch. And with real life conflicts I've gone into defensive mode where I started finding every possible reason to leave and I was hella scared.

@Anonymous I am hopefully seeing a specialist next week. I am going to tell him everything about my past situations which might have been also connected with OCD, and this one. I want to get on SSRIS bc it's killing me when I talk to my bf and he's so funny and I like it but I cannot enjoy it.

@Daria Alexandrovna Same....it’s like it’s a constant battle. Just when you think you’re doing okay it just hits you with something else. And when it comes to relationships i feel like I’m just constantly looking for something to be wrong soo that it would make my thoughts true and i can leave

@Anonymous Yes!!!

@Daria Alexandrovna I know we’re both struggling but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone here....cause sometimes i just doubt that i even have ocd to begin with which is just another thing in itself. We just gottta keep making a choice here and we’ll be okay

@Anonymous Yes I def can relate