I’m gonna post this again in hopes that someone reads it and helps me out because it’s been days and I’ve completely shut everything down. I’ve started to find comfort in just isolating myself and causing harm to myself and I want to get out of it. If you see this please help. So back when i was like 11 or 12 and my sister was 7 or 8 i remember us playing together and i used to just like trace my finger on her arm but it was weird to me now that I think if it because I would try to sound like a man? A drunk man? And then do that and the memory is fuzzy but I feel like she would run from it and I would joke about it to make it seem like it wasn’t anything. I think I saw it on tv somewhere I have no idea why I did what I did. This only happened once and I asked her about it two years ago and she wasn’t sure what I was talking about. When the thought started haunting me again got bad again this time around I asked her again and she said that she doesn’t even remember what I’m talking about and can’t recall anything like that and says that it’s my mind making things up. But I know it isn’t because I remember doing this. It’s been almost 7 years since then and it feels like I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did. 8 don’t even know why I did it. I feel like an abuser and everything along those lines and I just want to die. And there was a time when i was like 9 and my cousin was 6 and we used to play pretend and stuff but for some reason id ask him to look sleepy idek why like its jsut so messed up. But the memory came back now when i was going out of my mind and convinced that its just who i am and that i cant escape myself.

Cupcakes82!

Date posted: 4y

hi, i really understand what you’re going through. i used to innocently play doctor with my cousin when i was little and we would check each other’s bodies and stuff and now i have random intrusive thoughts of just being a pervert or a creep. i know we were just being kids but the horrible thoughts haunt my mind too. you are definitely not alone and i completely understand how you feel but trust me, you are not who you think you are. this disorder is exhausting and horrible to deal with but hopefully we can get through it

riiii

Date posted: 4y

Yea it’s just that I was looking into the stuff that Lena Dunham and josh Duggar did and when I read that I can’t differentiate myself from them. I never did anything such as touch anyone’s private body parts like they did. These are my only two incidents but somehow I can’t seem to draw the line and I don’t know what makes me and them any different. I feel terrible I feel like I used her because I was older and just all sorts of terrible things

Cupcakes82!

Date posted: 4y

@riiii i think it could help knowing that those people had complete knowledge that what they were doing was wrong. kids are innocent and reading over what you’ve written, you were just being a kid. i know it’s hard to get out of that headspace but just remember that your thoughts do not define you

riiii

Date posted: 4y

@Cupcakes82! The things that Lena did she was 7 but yeah she never truly stopped and continued to use her sister till she was 17. I think maybe deep down I knew what I was doing was wrong? But I wasn’t sure since ofc it wasn’t anything like touching anyone where I shouldn’t be at all. It was not like that. So I don’t know if what I did falls under the same category I just hope it doesn’t because I would never want to be like either of them

riiii

Date posted: 3y

@Cupcakes82! Hey this an old post but if you’re still here can I talk to you about the same thing? I actually just can’t seem to get over I wish I had someone to talk to. It’s been a year and it still just doesn’t let me live idek whag to do

riiii

Date posted: 4y

I feel like a disgusting human being right now.

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