I’m undiagnosed, just to clarify that, but something’s been bothering me to the point that it’s starting to feel like it’s venturing into OCD territory. I do have other issues that are the main ones making me suspect OCD, but this has been making me wonder if it’s possible for one form of OCD to expand and encompass others as well. Long story short, my sexuality is... complicated. I’m pansexual, long-distance dating a trans-woman (pre-transitional), with leanings toward, as a friend calls it, “ethical non-monogamy” (polyamory) in theory (haven’t really tested the waters, so to speak). All of that, ironically, isn’t the main issue (although I do repeatedly end up in a cycle of debate as to whether I’m in a lesbian relationship or straight, since she identifies female but is physically male). The issue is another aspect of it: I classify myself as grey-asexual, in that one day I have an average libido, and the next I may feel physically sick at the thought of anything sexual, and another, I might even not be able to tolerate the idea of being in close proximity to someone. All of this is despite the fact that I’m a very affectionate person. The thing is, no matter how often my gf tells me it’s not my fault, almost every day I find myself obsessing over whether I’m good enough or if I’m defective because I can “never have a normal relationship”, as my brain words it, and whether I’m letting her down because when she asks if I’m in the mood for something, I nearly always have to turn her down. I spend ages looking for ways to increase my interest’, or for her to help herself, to the point that I almost started to worry if it was turning into an addiction (though not sure how you can be addicted to something you actively avoid unless essential), but my main issue is this: Is it considered OCD if it’s outside the realm of your ‘usual’ leanings in the condition (ie sexual when your OCD is usually regarding order)? If so, can things like that be helped side by side, or do they have to be taken one at a time?

Hello friend! 😊 My unqualified opinion is that this totally sounds like OCD, and as a person with diagnosed OCD I’ve had similar ruminations and obsessions. OCD will attack anything, especially the things that we care the most about and are the most important to us. It sounds like your OCD is attacking your relationship and sexuality because you really love and care about your girlfriend. You care about that relationship very much. You want to understand every aspect of it so you can preserve and protect it. You sound like an amazing girlfriend. I just wanted to say, it is totally understandable and valid and normal to be confused about gender and sexuality. It’s confusing as hell. Societal standards and homophobia and transphobia being the norm does not make it easy. Your girlfriend is a woman because she is. Women are women because we are.

I'm a little confused on your question, but yes people with ocd can have multiple themes.

There's supplements/pills to increase libido if thats something you actually want to try, you'll have to talk to a doctor. There is some natural foods too. Listen your girlfriend sounds like she loves you, its not disappointing dating someone asexual if sex isn't such a high priority for the other person. There's other just as great and equal ways of bonding. They know that about you, and clearly they're still here. I'm not sure if you talk to her about your concerns but communication is important. If you're so concerned about the sexual aspect, ask her how she feels. Also about the either identifying as lesbian or straight, ask her what/her/ perspective on it is. Does she see your relationship as a gay relationship or a straight one? Listen they won't abandon you based on talking about these topics, it's important one to have in lgbtqia relationships. All relationships even. It's eating you up, get it out so it's over with and not bothering you anymore. If after a deep discussion, phone call or video chat or in person preferred because text gets so misinterpreted, if you still find yourself obsessing over this day in and day out, it'd be best to talk to a specialist. Get a general therapist anyway though, one you actually like, you'll be able to tell in the 1st session. It always helps.