I'm sorry for eveything I did. I swear to never hurt anyone and that I didn't hurt anyone in the past. I swear to try to do the good thing. I don't want to be a monster, but I almost sure everything is me, and I hate it. I just want god to forgive me, and take care of my parents. I hate myself so much. The guilt is overwhelming, but is a price I going to pay. I know for sure I'm going to hell and I deserve it. I'm not afraid of hell or going to jail. I just don't want my parents to ever know what I imagine. I'm going to continue living for them, but I don't want to. I'm going to do everything in my willpower to stop having this images, and scenes. I'm sorry for eveything I did. I just want to pretend that this month never happen, but I can't. I'm sorry to my family for making myself this after everything they do for me. And I'm sorry to the people here for looking to an excuse for imagine the things that I imagine. I still hoping that this is just ocd, but honestly I don't believe it anymore. I will look for therapy when I had the money and make this sensations go away, and I hope that the images/scenes can also go away. I swear to never have children, and never look to them on purpose. I never wanted this to happen. Sorry again for eveything. I hope the people here can be cure and be happy. You all deserve it because you don't do anything wrong. Everything you think you do was in your head. You are not your thoughts. I think I'm just writing this to make me feel better, and that is selfish because I don't deserve it. I'm sorry for that too. I'm going to make myself accountable for eveything I did and imagine. I still feel bad because my family believe in me. And I made myself this. I hope that one day I can be normal. I'm so sorry again, I really do. I just want to take this out of my chest. If it were up to me I would kill myself, but I can do that to my family, and I don't know if I would have the guts to kill me. I never meant to this to happen. I don't deserve the things that I have and I know. And sorry for making myself look like the victim, when the reality is that I'm not. Everything that happend was my fault, and I make the decisions myself when I knew that was bad. I'm still hoping that this is just ocd, but I know tha it is not. I'm not a victim, I'm a bad person and I'm going to live with the guilt. Thats my punishment for the things that I did. For the people with ocd, you are not like me. You don't want that images and scenes. You are afraid of this, you don't feel pleasure for that, you are good. You would never hurt anyone, that is not your true self. You don't deserve what is happening to you. You don't deserve to make yourself accountable. You don't deserve to die. I'm just trying to make myself better for saying this to you and don't feel like a total monster. But it's true, you are a good person. I'm not. You don't deserve to suffer. I do. You are a victim of your own thoughts. I don't. I still want to believe that the thoughts I imagine were not mine, but in my heart I know that is not true. Every time I imagine a image like that i would try to not to think about it. I'm sorry for eveything. I really do. I regret this, and I hate myself. But you don't have to. You are good, and you don't deserve this.