I’m in scary spot right now I made an appointment for a physciatriat because my therapist said itd be best Idk what to do anymore I don’t wanna go to work anymore no reassurance is working anymore I feel hopeless like there’s no way out I know I’m not what pocd says and what hocd says but I just feel trapped and like stuck in this muddy hole I feel like the only way out is death and that scares me so bad I keep imagining someone finding me dead and that scared me even more I’m afraid of all that suicide stuff I just wanna know if anyone out there can relate I’m so depressed and feel hopeless

There is hope and you are so much stronger than you believe! I’m happy I could help and if you need anything else just ask

@0823 Quick question is constant questioning if there’s still hope also an ocd trait ? I used to feel better being reassured about hocd and pocd but not even when my therapist or my mom or dad or gf say that there’s still hope i can’t believe it like Idk why it’s like my mind is made up it’s been bugging me all day

I understand, it’s like OCD about having OCD. When I’m not obsessing over a specific theme, I sometimes obsess over OCD itself. And you’re welcome, a little bit of hope and faith can go a long way

That’s amazing that you set up an appointment, it’s hard to ask for help. Take a minute to thank yourself and be proud of that step. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know what it’s like to get all sorts of intrusive thoughts, and they happen during the worst times for me too. Remember that the content of the thoughts doesn’t matter, content is irrelevant. The uncertainty, doubt, and anxiety is what gets us, that’s why we do compulsions and try to find relief. Feelings aren’t facts, they aren’t reliable, we can’t control how we feel or what we think. That’s why we have to make the hard choices to do ERP, to fight for ourselves, and to resist compulsions. Your feelings are valid, but that doesn’t make them facts. Remember that you have a choice, you get choose your next step, and the step after that, and so on. That’s where our power lies, in the ability to choose. Take the focus off of the content of the thoughts and just state “I feel uncertain, sad, and anxious” and then you get to make a choice. What choice do you want to make right now that will benefit you and your future? I support you and you’re in control of this. There is no right or wrong choices, there just is. Do you believe that your having suicidal OCD, or suicidal ideation? You say you don’t want to commit suicide, which makes me think it’s OCD. So again, label it as an obsession and choose to live your life according to your values. You can do this, it gets easier as you learn.

It’s very common to experience hopelessness when you have OCD. I’ve been there, trust me. There have been days where I just cried and couldn’t get out of bed. It felt like I’d never get better and I’d be stuck with OCD forever. And I still feel that way sometimes. It’s a totally normal experience and you’re not alone. We can’t say that there is 100% hope because we have to embrace the uncertainty. Dr. Steven Phillipson wrote about a phrase called ‘Chasing the Dragon’. It’s a phrase mostly used by addicts because they keep chasing their first high (the dragon). He applies it to OCD because we’re always chasing life without OCD, we’re trying to get back to how we were before it happened, or just to a place where it no longer affects us. But that doesn’t help because it signals our minds that we’re in danger. You’re not in any danger, though, and life can be beautiful while you have OCD. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but all I’m saying is that it’s okay to have OCD. It’s okay if you get thoughts for the rest of your life. The goal isn’t to get rid of OCD, the goal is to not let it control you. Also, it’s okay that you feel this way. Don’t try to make it go away, accept it. Don’t let it take over though, just accept the feelings and be compassionate with yourself