How do I deal with the fact that my boyfriend might or might not accept me if he were to find out the fucked up thoughts I get related to OCD (that sometimes relate to him or people in our lives) I doubt normal people would understand that it's a product of OCD (some do) but not all. I keep obsessing the fact that if he knew, he would leave me so my compulsion becomes me wanting to confess to him to get that reassurance he won't leave me if he were to understand. But I know some things might put a strain in my relationship with him and his family and I just wanna be able to disassociate with these thoughts bc my OCD brain just makes them up on my head and make me question my identity but I also want him to accept me no matter what so I'm anxious about it

My boyfriend knows about my OCD and how I have thoughts I can't control. I just haven't told him every theme I have or though and I really don't want to because he might leave me for it if it turns out he doesn't understand it's the sickness (which I doubt sometimes but OCD makes u do that right) and some involve his family which I absolutely HATE. The obsessiveness over that thought kind of passed now though and I'm more worried about the possibility of my boyfriend not understanding and leaving me IF he knew about my thoughts.

And he accepts the fact I have OCD and encouraged me to get professional help but said I shouldn't tell him things that doesn't concern him or directly involve him esp cause it could also be bad for his health (we have our own lives so i get this)

I can't because some themes involve POCD and his nephew and I don't want that or to involve his family. I wanna be close to his family and I treat his nephews like my younger cousins, it's just when something is good for me, OCD finds a way to fuck that up for me. So I really can't. It'll change a lot of dynamics. sorry this was a bit triggering to read :( my confession urges are compulsions and this just made me want to tel him everything and we're only a few months old

@rosecoloredgirl I really understand what you’re going through. My OCD started as pocd and I had to babysit my newborn nephew at the time. I thought I was a horrible person. This was before I was even diagnosed, so I truly thought my brain was broken. In my last relationship, I told my partner about my HOCD and sexual intrusive thoughts, and it was a huge risk. He initially didn’t respond well, but we stayed together. I think it’s really hard to GET what ocd is like unless you have it. He knows you have ocd and that’s all he needs to know. Especially since you guys are new. I am in a similar position (mine is ROCD focused right now) and although I want to ask him multiple Times a day every day to reassure me, I am trying my best to withhold. You have a wise part of you that’s telling you this is yours to face. Try as best you can to listen to it. You’re not fucked up.

@absmcgee Thank you so much. "He knows you habe OCD. That's all he needs to know." would that mean telling him about thoughts this fucked up is no good right? I also have a faulty guilt censor so not telling him stuff makes me feel like I'm lying to him or not being a good girlfriend 😔 but as you said it's hard to understand and find some sympathy unless you experience OCD yourself. I thought I had gotten over POCD but sometimes it still comes up, all thd criminal shows probably put it in my head so now with minors looking like my age or more mature it freaks me out. Sometimes It makes me question myself when I find myself talking to his nephew and yes talking to his nephew makes me happy bc It feels nice to be accepted by his family and look up to me like how he looks up to his uncle but my brain makes me think I think of it as something more. Sometimes I get weird thoughts like what if he has a crush on me and its weird and I've never really paid attention to it til this thought flared up.

@rosecoloredgirl If you can help it, I wouldn’t. Do you have anyone else you could talk to? I totally get the confessing/lying thing. That’s classic OCD. I look at it as, the POCD thoughts are causing you so much distress simply BECAUSE they are so against your character. A person who gets enjoyment out of those thoughts wouldn’t feel bad about it. You got this.

@absmcgee I've told my mom my fucked up thoughts before but POCD is so hard to explain so that's why I'm going to get myself officially diagnosed first then talk to a therapist. Thing is, OCD isn't really talked about here in my country or there's a stigma to it so it's rare you find an OCD specialist here. The POCD thoughts right now are centered about my boyfriend's younger nephew tbh and it has more of an effect on me rather than my old POCD thoughts because I just kind of got together with my boyfriend so he's someone new I don't wanna lose.

@rosecoloredgirl I’m glad you’re here. I’m sorry it’s not as in the open in your country. Living with it in isolation is hard. But you’re in you’re way. You can do this!