I'm a girl and I always felt comfortable in my gender until TOCD started.But now I'm starting to hate everything about the femininity.When tocd first started i was feeling anxious even my pronouns.But when I look back actually i didn't feel anxious when someone referred me with she/her pronouns but I convinced myself that I am uncomfortable with pronouns.for a moment i make sure i'm a girl and i feel euphoric.And suddenly i start to doubt again.I am so helpless and feeling depressed.

Before started tocd, I told my mother I was glad I was born as a girl and I wouldn't even want to be a boy.But after the hocd started I researched other genders and gender dysphoria then i began afraid of being a male / non binary.Also i started to experience phantom sensations cuz i read that some trans/non binary people experience that , then i started to feeling those things.I don't even know i want to be girl anymore :(

@miragunes Don’t try to figure it out. It’s OCD. It’s an endless loop of false “evidence”.

Do you know what it means to feel like a girl? Actually I don't feel like boy or a girl but i felt comfortable in my gender till this shit started.Also do you experience phantom sensations?

@miragunes Do you remember enjoying being a woman or feeling feminine before all this started? I do, I think that’s a good indicator that this is OCD. But knowing what it feels like to be a woman is very personal. It boils down to desire: if you want to be a woman, then I believe you are. As far as body sensations, I do experience them often. I check to see if I’m growing hair on my chin when it itches and I’m hyper aware of my chest all the time and the way it feels.

@Scooterino Yes, i was always enjoying being a being a girl and feeling feminine.I wanted to look like other beautiful girls.But I feel masculine when I am not paying attention to my appearance and around other beautiful girls.When I say I feel masculine, I mean feeling ugly.But now I feel like I hate the feminine things I've done in the past and I see being a girl is the most weakest and disgusting thing in the world.But i don't want to see my gender like this.

@miragunes I feel that way sometimes but I also feel beautiful and feminine sometimes, too. When do you feel a sense of peace? When I question my gender I feel sick and sad and angry. When I am not questioning I feel peace- not necessarily happiness, just peacefullness. I think that means I really pefer being feminine. That doesn’t necessarily mean feeling like a woman or feeling feminine all the time. I just feel calm and peaceful when my brain isn’t yelling at me that I’m not a woman.

@Scooterino I feel sense of peace when ı make sure that ı'm girl.

@miragunes Not to reassure you, because that just feeds ocd, but I think that sense of peace means you are most comfortable being a girl.

@Scooterino I hope that ı'm girl.Also i began hate all the feminine things, compliments and gender related words.I say to myself ı'm male or ı'm bin binary but it doesn't feel rightBut when i say myself ı'm girl it feels right but then my brains says that no you are denial.But i guess my brain made me believe this because i didn't have such problems before TOCD started.

@miragunes *non binary