I deserve to suffer.... if this is POCD I would be so happy, but it doesn’t feel like it... I want it to be POCD so badly...

I can’t afford therapy...

@POCDKILLME I’m sorry. I wish access to mental health services was a available and affordable for everyone. I struggle to afford the therapy I got to. I’m wondering what kinds of things you’ve tried to manage the OCD on your own? Compulsions do not help, so if you can identify any of those and try to work on stopping them, that could be a step to take... remember, the more you engage with the thoughts, the more power you’re giving to OCD. It’s not easy. You’re going to have to go against what you think you need to do to feel safe. Thinking about the thoughts (ruminating) is a huge compulsion for me.

@Sabrina If what I have is even POCD... I would send the post again but I’ll do what you say and not attempt to do compulsions...

@POCDKILLME I’ll check out your other post to see if I can be more helpful. Do you know what your compulsions are? Sometimes they’re not so obvious.

@Sabrina Rumination, suicidal thoughts, isolation, idk...

@POCDKILLME Have you done any research on rumination and how to stop it? This is going to take some work to learn how to stop. As far as isolation goes, what you’re doing is avoiding. You are thinking your thoughts mean something. You are giving power to the OCD and it makes matters worse. I understand you are struggling. I am sorry you’ve had suicidal thoughts. Please reach out to a crisis line if you ever feel that you’re at the point of harming yourself. I can share with you where to find some information, but even when you know what you need to do, you actually have to practice it. In order to manage your symptoms, you have to change your behavior. Show OCD that you are going to live your life regardless of what it tells you. It’s not going to feel good. You’re going to feel some anxiety, but not engaging with the thoughts will make a huge difference.

You should look at my POCD 18+ posts... they’ll give you context...

I'm annoying people on here arent I? lI'm making people hate me and annoyed with me on here... that's what I feel like now. I feel like a piece of garbage that just annoys people with my HOCD and POCD... if it even is those two things... I deserve to disappear dont I? Cause then I can make people who are annoyed with me happy that I'm gone and buried somewhere..