Nothing left. Feels like I never had OCD. Nothing left except the thoughts. Afraid ERP made me worse. Afraid that I lost females forever. Squandered my therapy. I suffered for a long time and I was finally feeling like I had hope. But I lost that too. It just feels like denial at this point. Fml...

God bless you, you angel.

I still keep up with the ERP despite the pain and fear. They may grow, but I keep pushing. What other choice do I have???

@Jbm421 That is honestly amazing, we are all so proud of you! Youre a role model like Ope says. Dont ever give up ❤️

@Ope Hey Ope, youll get there too trust me! Just trying erp is an amazing achievement and its okay to have bad days! Dont let having a bad day make you stop trying erp because you deserve to get better too and itll be worth it when you can get back to living your life fully. Sending hugs ❤️

@Winter Well I've had a bad week. If I can inspire one person that's great but I'm not doing well enough to feel like a role model. I'm worried and terrified at work (one of my worst places in terms of ruminating), because of how strong this has gotten lately. Mind is really doing a number on me. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Making me think it all came true...

@Jbm421 Im so sorry i didnt mean it to sound like i was invalidating your pain at all, i just meant you are really strong to keep pushing through erp whike you are suffering as we all struggle with that i think. I had the same issue at work a few months ago where my mind would be on overdrive all the time. Im so sorry youre going through a tough week, i really really hope things improve for you soon. If theres anything i can do let me know ❤️

@Winter I didnt mean it like that and I really appreciate the compliments and encouragdement. Its just been and incredibly rough ride. I value my thoughts, my romantic and sexual past so much that this ever present threat seem more and more scary given how it tries to make things seem insurmountable and inevitable. It was more about me being down on myself. I'm also here to listen if you or Ope have any difficulties. God bless you both.

@Jbm421 Thats okay, I completely understand. Ocd attacks the things that mean the most to us and the feeling that you need to know the answer right now and have no doubt about it is exactly how ocd wants you to feel and its horrible. I really wish there was more i could do, no one deserves this. Just remember the old you is still there and youre doing everything you can to get better and thats something to be proud of. And thank you, its nice to have people to talk to who understand ❤️

Just followed

A few months but I stepped it up recently after a big setback.

@Jbm421 Keep on going! I believe in you :)

@PalmTree God bless you. Thank you. 😭

I don't know how I'm holding on. This has been one of my worst weeks and I dont know how or if I can get through it without my fears coming true.

@Jbm421 I do think its normal for erp to cause ocd to get worse at first because its fighting back against you. I get you with it starting to feel real though, its so scary. The most important thing is that you are holding on and sometimes thats all you can do. The fact that youre still trying to do erp is amazing and dont give up! Hope today is a little easier for you but let me know if you need to talk ❤️

@Winter I dont want to be negative about today, I'm trying not to push it. Mornings are always the worst for me. My mind is most vulnerable and it can easily set the tempo for the day. Right now though, my thoughts are somewhat neutral as I lay in bed trying to watch and shows or videos that are not triggering.

@Jbm421 Thats a good idea! I know what you mean, as soon as i come across a trigger it sets of a spiral for the rest of the day but personally i find before i go to bed the hardest because sometimes i manage to ignore the worst of it and then it hits me in the evenings. Keep it up though, youre doing great!

@Winter I'm obsessing all day long so the nights are the time to unwind. Mornings are terrible. My mind is so weak. You can imagine how terrible it is just winding myself up to go to the gym and then to work. The gym is great as exposure but it can be too much sometimes especially with the loss of attraction and if I'm in a bad period where my nerves are shot (like now, yesterday and today I was terrified of coming to the gym)...

@Jbm421 That sounds awful. I know how hard work can be for me so the gym must be so tough. Youre doing so great though, keep pushing through it! But dont punish yourself for having a bad day or week either, itll get better i promise ❤️

@Winter This mask wearing crap isn't helping with the females. I'm in the gym now. And now there is a chicks who's slightly muscular and that shit bothers the hell outta me...

@Winter ...also get the worries that doing all this ERP is gonna turn me. It's an awful feeling.

@Jbm421 I totally get that, im scared to even start erp because im scared it will prove that my fears are true. Its one of the scrariest thoughts. Its amazing that you are carrying on though but i know its so so hard to keep going

@Winter Its frustrating as hell. I'm a bit older than some on here. I just turned 39. I should be living my life, married and/or dating and/or have kids (of course this thing use that as proof). But this crap has destroyed me. Put my life on hold. All I can do is push forward. For myself, for my family that I love with all my heart.

@Jbm421 Thats tough.. theres no “right way” to live though so try not to let yourself use it as proof because its definitely not. but i get that if thats what you would want right now if this wasnt going on that it must be so hard.. you will get all those things though, and youre taking the most important step towards that with doing erp. My heart goes out to you though, its so so unfair that this happens to us and that we cant even get the help we need either. Dont give up ❤️