Anime is a confusing one for me because I know like 90% of the characters are being drawn to be abnormally attractive and even sexual but it makes me uncomfortable that they're usually underage. I know it's just cartoons but it doesn't sit right with me. So I try to avoid the more sexual animes and stick with romcom and more action/adventure ones because I really enjoy anime as a animation style and how they tell stories, it's just uncomfortable when they make their characters so sexual but they're like 14-16. And it just confuses my brain because I don't want to be with someone underage but I find the character sexually attractive and it makes me feel bad for feeling that way. It's funny before I started getting all these intrusive thoughts I really didn't think much about what their possible age could be, I just watched whatever had attractive characters and now that I'm obsessed over stuff like this I care SOOO much. I'll research the show and see if the character is underage and if so, are they the whole show or do they become adults? It's really draining sometimes.

Yeah it sucks because there's a lot of good animes like story wise that just have a lot of underage characters. I just don't know how to approach it because I know avoidance isn't good for OCD but what's the healthy response to this?

@PRYM well as you stated yourself avoidance doesn't help with recovery so, don't try to change what you do just to please the ocd. that way you give it more power and that's something we don't want to do. id say just do whatever you would normally do if you didn't have ocd

@feethebee Huh I guess I can try that. Interestingly enough I don't think about myself much before OCD, I've kinda forgotten about that me except for when I panic, I tend to remember when I didn't.

@PRYM yes that's totally understandable dw, it's just best to treat the ocd as if it's not there, exposures are still necessary though

Yeah I just look for anime that isn't sexual or if it is, at the very least the character ages to an adult. Like if they go from 16 to 18 over the course of the show I can deal with that a little better. But if they like stay underage the whole show or are like 5,000 years old in a 12 year old's body, makes me extremely uncomfortable. But I don't really think anime messed me up, I think hentai did. The first porn I saw was extreme hentai when I was 12 which made me really explore some bad territory and influenced kinks I have now. Which aren't all bad some I'd just more uncomfortable acting out some more than others and that's okay. I don't have to act out every thing that I've ever been aroused by. I have choice and I try to remind myself what I'm uncomfortable about now.

@PRYM I usually preferred actual porn over hentai but there were days where I didn't. And when I was a minor I still falsely remember coming across very extreme works of it. Once again, I get that it's all fiction and not real, but that stuff can still be really fucking damaging. I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter now because I'm trying to quit porn I shouldn't let any of this stuff get to me but it just does in the end. All of this shit is why I constantly worry about myself. I mean, it's great that I see it's a problem that negatively affects my life, but it still fucking hurts to think about. It makes me really think that I am what I fear. I'm sorry you got exposed to that stuff when you were only 12 by the way. I also doubt that I would act out everything I'm aroused by. I also realize that this is the case for a lot of people that have watched porn. Straight people that way gay porn wouldn't Actually want to act out the kink porn made them develop, but some have and deeply regret it. I just feel so bad for everyone who's hurting because of porn

@BigGip09 Yeah porn can be really unhealthy. Like I don't think every situation it's bad but the younger you are, I think it's harder to learn about a comfortable relationship with it. Yeah I really wish I didn't get exposed to porn or at the very least around 16-18, I feel like I would of been in a more mature mindspace to handle it. But it is what it is. I try just not watching at all but I find that hard because my sex drive is high and when I try using my imagination I just get really graphic intrusive thoughts or memories and I can't finish. So I still use porn even though the use annoys me but I've been able to lower use to around once in the day or at night instead of an all day thing like it was for me before. So I feel like I'm in more control which is what I wanted. Every once in awhile I get flashbacks of things I've seen and I get disgusted or depressed but I just try to tell myself I'm trying to be better and succeeding, I don't need to hold the past over me.

@PRYM Yeah I agree with everything that you've said. I think we could have all been safe from the damage that porn has given us. Especially for the poor curious teenagers that don't know what to do with such hormones. I still think it isn't too late for you to drop porn completely. I think we've already been over how difficult that could really be though. But I can help you get started. I'm about to be a month free from not watching it. A whole MONTH. That's honestly huge for me and physically, I can feel the changes left and right. I'm not at the superhero level yet because OCD holds me back, but aside from OCD, I'm honestly better than I've ever felt, man. I will say that dropping the habit was genuinely hard. I even told a close friend that tried to get me started from cutting down on it that I refused to drop the attractions I had. I didn't want to let go of the arousing material but I had to. It felt impossible to do this at first, but overtime, it does get easier. When you first start out I would recommend that you install blockers, delete any porn you have saved, and don't follow anything arousing on social handles. If masturbating is another problem playing in the factor, do try the activity without looking at anything arousing. Something most of us forget about the positives of masturbating is focusing on how good at feels, rather than how arousing something were watching is. Cut that connection out slowly. I don't even have a problem with masturbation anymore. Like, none. It's porn that's the problem and that's never going to change. I had problems with sex drives too, but with time, it diminished. I don't even get urges anymore. That last part I definitely feel man. I get disgusted over the things I've watched and I get really disappointed looking back. But that's a good thing! It shows that you honestly want to get out of this habit. You want to crawl out. And you can. You really can do this man. It will make you feel better about everything. OCD and porn addiction is a horrific combination. You don't have to keep going through with it.

@BigGip09 Yeah maybe I need to get more intense about it like you're saying because I'd like stop looking at nudes but look at lewd stuff and thought that was better then I'd just go back to the extreme stuff. I definitely don't want to have to watch porn. It feels almost required even to masturbate. I'm thinking maybe I'll be more successful if I take a stronger stance like you're saying.

It's really annoying. Like the amount of research I do just to watch a show is exhausting.

@PRYM It really is. And what's worse that if thair age isn't specified I'll try to avoid that character.

@snake89 Yeah I try to as well. I feel like OCD ruins so much for me. I miss not caring as much. Like it's good to mindful about being ethical about things but when I'm like doing research on drawings it does feel noticeably obsessive but I feel like I'm a bad person if I don't.

@PRYM Yeah it's kind ruined things for me. At this point I try avoiding movies/shows that show children in them or have children as MC. I really hate POCD

@snake89 Yeah I do too. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. Especially if there's sexuality mixed into it. Though I am trying to expose myself to stuff slowly. Like movies that have teens as main characters. Though my mom wanted to watch this show with me called "I'm not okay with this" love the story, cool superhero concept from the same people who made stranger things so it's quirky and interesting, but I was cringing a lot because it goes into a lot them exploring their sexuality because they're like 17 in high school. It was really hard for me to get past that but I let the anxiety come while I was watching it and it did eventually go away but then it would come back in waves. I wanted it to go away but I didn't want to ruin an opportunity to watch a show that had a cool story.

@PRYM I get it sometimes my mom shows me pictures of the kids she takes care of so I have to make an excuse to not look at them. Or whenever I watch a movie with my family and it has a kid on it I always have to look away when they show up.

@snake89 Yeah it's miserable and just makes me feel like some monster. Really discourages me from a lot. Like I want a family now significantly less because of it and I feel like I never could find love because of all this going on. I know it's not completely true because there's people on this app and other ocd groups that are in happy relationships with people who understand so I know there's hope but there's something in me that tells me it's just their luck, I'm significantly worse and couldn't have the same experience as them. This is all hard for me to deal with because I deal with other mental issues like Depression, PTSD, and I disassociate a lot.

@PRYM I agree, I also feel like I can never be truly loved. Like if I date someone I'll probably never tell them about my POCD so it would make me feel bad because I would feel as if they are unknowingly dating a monster.

@snake89 Yeah I struggle with that one a lot. Like I know you should be truthful and honest with significant others but I don't feel like most people would be able to understand it. I told one girl I had a crush on about it and she surprisingly was super understanding but ironically her ex was a real pedo who abused his little sister so she had to go to some therapy thing to understand what he did so she even told me she knows what a real one is like and I'm not like that. Sadly it didn't continue to a relationship. I let that opportunity leave but it did teach me there are some people that understand but very few that's for sure.

@PRYM It makes me happy that some people understand but I feel like I'll never find someone like that or they would secretly be judgmental.

@snake89 I feel like that a lot too. I mean I haven't even dated in around 5 years. I'm horrifically lonely but I worry a lot about being rejected, really makes me nervous to try especially since it's been so long.

@PRYM Yep I have a crush on someone right now and I feel bad for liking them. I'm scared of them liking me back because I feel as if they would feel disgusted if they ever found out what kind of thoughts I havd

@snake89 Yeah I have a crush on someone who has kids. I really worry what she would think.

@PRYM Jesus didn't think you'd be in a situation like that. I hope she doesn't judge you and understands.

@snake89 Sorry just saw this reply! But yeah idk it's not too serious with her. Definitely have a crush on her but idk if she would be ready for any commitment she went through a rough relationship. But I definitely like her. And it was very interesting, when she came over she brought her daughter over too who is still like 2 or so and I didn't have one intrusive thought, I didn't feel uncomfortable, I was able to pay attention to her and her daughter and nothing was weird. Then when she left, I was like wow! Not a single intrusive thought and everything went fine! Then BAM a million horrible intrusive thoughts. Pretty annoying but I was happy it didn't happen with them over. It was interesting to experience, because it gave me a bit more realistic hope that this is POCD and not something worse.

@PRYM Glad to hear you didn't have any inturove thoughts while she was over. I kinda envy you for even being able to talk to your crush I'm just a shy wreck. Sometimes I get intrusive thoughts while I'm at school and it sucks, school is the only time I can distract myself.

@snake89 I'm painfully shy. I just force myself through it or send memes to get a conversation started lol.

@PRYM Lol that's one way to get through a girls heart. I've had a crush on this guy for 7 years and never had the guts to make a move.

@snake89 Doesn't have to be a big move just make small steps to show him how you feel. I mean if he's single there's a chance. And a lot of guys are painfully shy or afraid of rejection so he might feel the same about you and just not be willing to admit it

@PRYM True but I'm just worried that our personalities won't match or that we won't have anything in common or that I'll say something dumb. I'm just stressing out over nothing.

@snake89 Well you'll never know if you don't try. And if your personalities don't match, they don't and you can move on to hopefully better choices. And I've learned over the years that if you really like someone there's a 9/10 chance you're going to say something stupid if you really like them. But if they like you too it's just going to seem cute or funny to them. And if they like you back, there's a good chance they'll say some stupid things too. Falling for someone makes us stupid lol it's part of the experience.

@PRYM I guess you're right I'm just really good at embarrassing myself which is why I always stood away. It seems like your really good with advice. I remember saying some dumb things to him that it keeps me up at night sometimes lol

@snake89 Thanks! I try lol. But if he hasn't completely avoided you, it can't be that bad what you've said. Just give it a chance, let yourself mess up along the way. Feelings are messy. It's okay. It isn't some romance novel, like real life is a lot more messy and complicated and falling in love doesn't always move absolutely perfect but it's worth giving a shot if you really like him!

@PRYM Yeah you're right real life is messy if it wasn't I wouldn't be struggling with POCD. If you don't mind me asking how long have you been struggling with POCD?

@snake89 Gosh probably 3 years or so.

@PRYM 3 years?! Wow I only started last year. In the beginning I didn't know what POCD was so I remember being really scared in the beginning.

@snake89 Yeah I didn't know either. It was really scary when I started getting thoughts like that. There were a few times I got pretty suicidal but a combination of me finding out about POCD and going to therapy and having a thearpist that helped me go through my thoughts and understand how it's irritational its helped me learn how to identify healthy beneficial thinking and just obsessive thought patterns. I also bought a ocd program thing this one thearpist has online. Basically helps guide you through treating OCD and how to do ERP. My thearpist is more traditionally trained so she doesn't know a ton about OCD just the basics but she's been really helpful already and I connect well with her and there aren't a ton of OCD specialists so I stuck with her. And she told me my fears of being a pedo aren't true and are anxiety based so I can put the two together and see it's OCD related especially since treating it like OCD does help pretty strongly.

@PRYM It's nice to hear that you're getting the help you need. I only found about POCD because someone reached out to me and told me it was a good possibility that I had it. In the beginning I was also suicidal because the thoughts were unbearable and scary since they came out of nowhere.

@snake89 I'm glad that person had reached out to you. They've mad a huge difference for you now that you're here and now that you're trying your best to get better. I got into this community because my compulsive googling kept being related to OCD articles

@snake89 Yeah it's rough to deal with. Especially since there's so many misconceptions like "if you have these thoughts then you're repressing a desire" it's like no, it's way more complicated than that. Your brain is more like a TV changing channels constantly. Sometimes it's a bad channel lol.

@PRYM This statement here is why it's important that we get specific therapists to work with us. Last thing anybody wants is an incorrect diagnosis

@BigGip09 Yep I'm pretty thankful to that person. I'm also glad that your in this community since it makes me feel like I'm no alone.

@snake89 You're never ever alone! That's the good thing about struggles! One way or another we can understand each other and we can work together to overcome what we're going through. That's what I love about this community.

@PRYM Yep the bad channel sucks. It honestly is complicated and I wished POCD was talked about more so more people could understand.

@BigGip09 Me too, that's what makes if great to know you're not alone