i hate this guilt!!! why do i have to have guilt!!! i hate p*dos! i think they’re evil and disgusting! my pocd is trying to convince me i am one of them and i should be dead or in jail😭i hate this so much, i have no desire to ever ever hurt a child, i think it’s the most evil thing you can do. so why is my brain trying to convince me i am that? why do i have to suffer every single day with intrusive thoughts and guilt when i know who i am inside, it’s just the random intrusive images and thoughts that are the problem :( the last few weeks have been extra difficult, i’ve been feeling just depressed and like i should end it all because of this guilt. i hate feeling like this.

thank you for this and i am so sorry you’re suffering with the same theme, having POCD feels like you’re alone and no one will every get it bc it’s such a serious topic and it’s scary. i suffer from intrusive horrible images and it’s hell, everyday i feel like a monster and i just want to curl up in a ball and die. the intrusive thoughts get so bad that i start panicking and everyday feels like a repeat of the last, i am always just sad or feel guilty, but i don’t want these thoughts, they make me feel evil and when i have them i feel disgusting. i literally would not wish this on my worst enemy. :(

you put my thoughts into words, i literally would never have expected this to be something i suffer with 2 years ago and now it’s consuming my life. even before that i had intrusive thoughts, but now it’s everyday and it’s pure pain. the best way to explain it is self sabotaging, i don’t control the thoughts, they just pop up in my head or take over my head when i am relaxed and it’s so overwhelming and scary, it’s like my brain is fighting itself and i am stuck watching myself go crazy and wasting away the days suffering with immense guilt over thoughts i don’t control :(

@hopeful You aren't controlling the thoughts, but you are reacting to them. And that alone can be hard to stop. You're so used to them coming and it's just not who you want to be. I sometimes feel like it's too late for me and if the people I loved knew about the problems I go through, they'd probably hate me. I hate my past self enough

@hopeful Omg, same!! I have this amazing life and the ocd sabotages me every f-Ing day! It was never like this and now i am hyper aware. Pure pain is exactly right . And so unfair . Im trying therapy but this is very uncomfortable so far but sticking with it. You’re not alone, and this app is helpful to talk to others. Thank you for sharing.🙏🏻

@BigGip09 that is true, one thing i hold on to is “pure OCD cant make you do anything” and i just always go back to that because the intrusive thoughts get so disgusting and traumatizing that i feel like i am “long gone” or “hopeless” but then i remember it’s just intrusive thoughts and i am not them and they can’t make me do anything i don’t want to do. :( if someone saw my intrusive thoughts and images they would paint me as a monster, meanwhile i don’t want them or make them up, they just force themselves into my head and it’s the most frustrating, uncomfortable feeling...i am just trying to hold on to the positives, sometimes it feels impossible to stay positive with this disorder, but it’s much better than isolating and blaming myself for things i can’t control.

thank you so much! i appreciate this comment so much! it’s very isolating suffering with this, but it’s super nice to have people relate to this and i feel less alone. and you’re so right! it’s like i HAVE to think about it it’s so weird, i am learning not to take them seriously, it’s just super hard when it’s something so horrible like i feel like i can’t just ignore it :/

thank you so much and i am so sorry, it’s a battle everyday, it truly makes me feel like a horrible person everyday but if i could i would stop the intrusive thoughts and images, they just pop up and take over my brain or i ruminate for hours and the intrusive thought gets worse and worse and i am panicking...pure OCD is pure suffering :(