I am so scared at the moment as I can see myself engaging kissing a man, engaging in gay sex and I have been with a girl for over 10 years. Infer no dislike from the thoughts and feel I have just been in denial but my therapist says this is just OCd and j am not gay. Every person I see I imagine kissing them then start kissing my pillow and walls. I am so confused can someone with SOCD realise they are Gay as I was told for years that it’s just ocd and j am not Gay. But every thought doesn’t cause me any dislike or disgust and I feel I should have some level of that. I don’t know what to think or do anymore I have been told not to go out and try it by my previous therapist but h feel I really am gay these days and just thought when I was diagnosed with severe ocd it meant I wasn’t . Can this be denial and shame. So scared as don’t want to be Gay but don’t know what it means anymore. I feel convinced I am and have lost all attraction to women. Did I lie to my partner

You’re reassurance seeking and that’s gonna make you worse

Exactly the thing is no matter what anyone says it will not be enough for you. As much as it sucks you have to deal with the uncertainty that you are not going to know. I know how scary that is, and I understand because uncertainty feels like omg my thoughts are real but the truth is that you really do not know. You don’t know the probability and in the state you’re in you’re not even in a position we’re you could gage the probably. Even then, if you could gage the probability, you cannot predict the future so once again you do not know no matter what. We (myself included because I’m struggling with this big time) need to sit with being okay with not having an answer. All we have is right now, the present moment.

@Legallyocd Think about like this as well. I could reassure you that you will not get a cut or a bruise ever. But I can’t know that for sure, also you fearing that does not mean it cannot happen. So you can either continue living your life making sure you never get a cut or bruise (even though it can still happen) or you can live your life accepting that everything is a possibility, that you do not have control over what happens to you, and that right now you can do what you love to do because maybe you do get a cut or maybe not.

@Legallyocd It sucks, I know that, but that’s how all the other aspects of our life that we do not obsess over work. And we remain perfectly fine not knowing for sure