I have a question. Since I was a young girl, I always admired other older girls and really wanted to be them. I still have that now. When I meet someone I find really nice I want to be as nice as them etc. Does anyone else have this? I've never felt any attraction to these women in the sense that I want to be together with them but my OCD is now really making me doubt all that. Can anyone help?

Thank you for that!

It's so irritating... Sending you all the love back! I hope you feel better soon too.

Yeah exactly! I always as a kid just really admired other people and just genuianly wanted to become more like them. The feeling of wanting to be someone and wanting to be with someone is obviously also really different, but somehow my OCD is trying to make it mean something more. It's so annoying.

This is something my ocd latches on to really badly! When I was a child and also as a young teen i admired a lot of female celebrities and older girls and often wanted to be their friend and be like them. It was like I was looking for role models or big-sister-figures to look up to. And even today I tend to look up to or be inspired by women or female mentors more. It's scary because coming out stories often revolve around similar experiences. And in the end no one can say for sure what that means, that's why it is such an excellent theme for OCD to latch on. I mean it is a kind of attraction that I held for these girls, I am just pretty sure it was never romantic or sexual. But no one can give me a guarantee for that. Only I can answer this question for myself. And because we don't trust our own gut anymore we get so confused and terrified by OCD and doubt everything all over again. Hang in there and keep in mind that you don't have to figure this out or be sure about it even if your ocd tells you otherwise.

@Shoeshifter I know I am so scared because like I have found all these stories of women who thought they admired a woman but it was actually attraction. Those women who I sought approval from I would also look forward to seeing and talking to so now I am worried that they were actually crushes and I am freaking out

@Anonymous Believe me I know what you mean! This is the obsession that sticks to me the most because it is such an ambiguous topic and even though I don't think this is uncommon amongst teen girls it is never really talked about. Then I am not sure which of these "remembered feelings" are even real and what is false memory. I know that I had these admirations but ocd makes it seem as if they were all I thought about during my adolescence which is simply wrong. But we cannot know for sure and we have to let go of the urge to want to be certain. We are chasing a feeling of certainty that doesn't exist, especially not in sexuality! All we can do is stop playing the game OCD wants to bully us into. We can only lose if we want to figure it all out.

@Shoeshifter Omg exactly! Like I feel like I thought about them all the time and I am worried that I will never be able to like a guy that much. My first boyfriend I thought I liked a lot but I would get nervous to kiss him (I was very young and he was my first) but now I am convinced that I didn’t like him and then I had two other boyfriends who I didn’t really like that much I kinda just wanted to date somebody. Now I am convinced I will never have a boyfriend I am attracted to. Sorry probably tmi but I just really need to vent but I also lost my virginity while this ocd thing has been going on and I wasn’t really as turned on as I thought I should’ve been and I wasn’t the two times after with this guy as well so now I am freaking out thinking I will never enjoy sex with a man but being with a woman will really turn me on. I just really can’t do this anymore

@Anonymous I went through something similar when I got together with my boyfriend and also worried that I might be a lesbian because I couldn't really relax. We are still together now after 12 years and it's wonderful! All I needed was time and I just put so much pressure on myself. Now that ocd hit me about 2 years ago it forces me to always bring up and relive these memories of our first few months together. As if all the great years in between suddenly don't count anymore. I am sorry you are going through this. Try to not be so hard on yourself. As soon as I managed to not pressure myself so much anymore and to be 100% sure about my attractions the more secure and confident I got about my love for him.

@Shoeshifter Wow! That makes me feel so much better thank you so much for listening to me haha! We will get through this!

@Anonymous Your welcome! I have probably given you some reassurance but I can't bear to pretend that I don't know what your going through 🙈

Ja bin ich. Es ist total nervig, dass NOCD hier nicht funktioniert. :/ Ich vertraue nicht wirklich einer anderer Organisation oder Therapeuten. Hier kann man die viel mehr vertrauen, weil es auch, NUR um OCD geht und andere Leute mit OCD haben auch bestätigt,dass es funktioniert.

Ich bin in der komplett gleichen Situation. Habe OCD seit dem ich ein baby war und ich habe jetzt HOCD. Es ist wirklich das schlimmste und bin jetzt auch seit 2 Monaten in dieser richtig schlimmen Episode. Ich fühl mich komplett alleine, weil wie gesagt in Deutschalnd ist das nicht so ein offenes Thema. Aachen du?

Ja ich hab dieses Jahr mein Studium angefangen, und weil man halt keinen treffen kann ist man such total alleine. Bei mir wurde es auch seit der Pandemie viel schlimmer.

Ich hatte viele compulsions die ich auch immer noch have, zum Beispiel, dass ich alles 4 mal machen muss aber obsession Themen waren früher contamination, somatic, harm, relationship und jetzt halt auch noch dieses HOCDü

@ewaedb Ich hatte echt schon so vieles, dass ich mich an alles nicht erinnern kann