Hi all. I'm living with major ocd to the point where I get a feeling that something is wrong and I am unable to move past the thought or feelings. All I feel like doing is hurting myself to make to stop. Does anyone else have this feeling of wrongness, how do you move past it

I'm so sorry. I am in a a deep dark hole right now it seems. It's so scary. You're not alone right now. It seems hopeless. But you're not alone. I can barely function because I question every thought feeling and action.

I am just about at an all time low right now. I've never paid much attention to the post but I decided to look and I saw yours. I might be in a deep dark hole, but at least I'm not in there alone because I saw your post! I just started with the NOCD therapist and basically, I'm too anxious to complete the therapy. I'm always in fight or flight mode- it's been months. And have had several of these OCD flares over my lifetime. I'm 28. I moved back with my parents. Been to 3 different psychiatrist offices and after trying several different antidepressants at the highest doses, they ultimately recommend a very low dose antipsychotic med. I tried 2 different ones and bad side effects. So when I started up with the newest psychiatrist (3rd one) and she recommended the antipsychotic right off the bat I said no. Been avoiding it for months. Just too the first dose of Risperdal. I feel defeated and afraid of how it will effect me. But I'm pretty much choosing between trying it or going to some kind of mental health facility (which is not an option because I have to work and I can't afford it anyway). I best myself up and say: you're broken, you'll never be normal or live a normal life, you're mentally ill, you're unfixable you're problem is too severe, no one will ever love you- you're too messed up, you are nothing, you're worthless, you're a burden . But I have a choice whether to listen to that or not, and so do you. Even though I have bad religious fears/OCD, I am going to pray right now that you are enveloped in peace and that no harm will come to you. There is hope, for us both.

Experience the same thing pretty much, it’s hard to move past feelings and the urges to ruminate but hang in there

Is it group therapy for OCD? I've also been in years of therapy and have not been "fixed" yet. But... what if someone DOES understand. What if its a great group and you're glad you went? What if you discover a bond with someone who shares your same struggles? I met my absolute best friend when I lived in MN as a child years ago. We have lived in different states from each other for 15+ years, but our relationship is still strong. She and I had the same OCD symptoms as kids together. I JUST found out that she has some continued symptoms of OCD as an adult too. She just now realized that's what it is. She struggles with disturbing intrusive thoughts. Hers is not as severe as mine, but does cause a great deal of distress for her. We have to take it one day at a time. Or one second at a time. Don't believe the lies about yourself that float around in your head. Challenge them. My family didn't know what was wrong with me. They try to be supportive and understanding, except my Dad - not so much. He just mentioned something about me "heading towards schizophrenia" since I am starting a med that was primarily made to treat schizophrenia. I felt like he kicked me in the gut. I cried all the way to the pharmacy. Everyone puts on a "normal" mask and goes about their day. It will surprise you to hear of the severe struggles those "perfect" people are actually going through behind closed doors. Guess what... the people that are going to that group you're gonna go to are probably thinking the exact same thing as you- nobody will understand me, why am I here at this group, etc.

It is just group therapy not specifically for ocd. I know that I have to give this group a try and I have just always had to hid my ocd as no one in my life understands or been very supportive. I have been told many times to just suck it up and just ignore it. It's truly different when the people you hope understand think you are making it up. As a kid it used to take me hours in the shoe store to pick a pair of shoes all because of how they felt, I still remember being told to just deal with it. I'm hoping this group goes better then I'm thinking but I'm also anxious to tell people my problems. I am also diagnosed with cluster b borderline personality disorder so I'm always very unsure of what is real and what is not. I am honestly just truly afraid I am alone.

I'm so sorry that the people that you ran to for support weren't any help. It's hard for people to understand. I struggle with the label of my diagnosis. The more you focus on it the more it defines you. You are more than that. You are a person with talents and so much to give to the world and people around you. Trust me I am terrified right now too. I feel so alone. But this support page shows we aren't alone. The feeling of being alone and afraid and anxious may not go away. But that's OK. You'll get through it. But if the feelings are still there - it's ok - feelings are a part of everyone's life but dont always reflect reality. Something that I find comforting is something I heard once "the truth/reality is the truth no matter what you believe or feel". So when we feel alone and terrified and like we are about to die or the world is about to crash down on us, we can ask "is that really true." Even though I have OCD, I am going to try to not just wallow in it (which I do most of the time). I am going to actually try to start practicing somethings I've learned, because I have come to the realization I have a severely negative thought process...about everything. I'm gonna try to challenge the negative lies I tell myself. I hope you do too. Easier said than done! You are absolutely NOT alone in this, even though your feelings tell you you are. You are seeking the support of a group which is a brave great step!!

Thank you!