Currently dealing with thoughts that my boyfriend doesn’t care about me based on our interactions last night and this morning via text (which I shouldn’t even read into). Usually I would confront him and he would assure me that’s not the case... but then that feeds the OCD and I feel guilt. I’m fighting really hard right now but it’s hard. Another layer of this is that we have different love languages. I’m words of affirmation, and that’s something he’s trying to work on but some days it does falls flat for me. Helpppp!

I would say dont "fight" but just let the thoughts pass through knowing that they are OCD and not truth. You have done the right thing not to ask for reassurance. The more you ignore them the less power that they have. They are JUST you OCD not facts. Thet will be there but you dont have to pay attention to them. I hope that this helps.

Wow, this was me in my relationship. Your post has helped me understand where I may have gone wrong in my relationships because I needed my boyfriend to tell me EVERY day that he loves me or else I was so afraid he didn’t. I feel bad now for not trusting him or being to pushy with him needing to affirm with me all the time that I was the one for him. He told me a few weeks ago that he didn’t want me to focus on me loving him all the time because he did love me, he loved me a lot. He brought up the idea of a break (which we are on now) and I agreed too it (one because I was so afraid of being broken up with, and two - the bigger reason why, he was right and even though I didn’t tell him about my OCD, he knew I was suffering from our relationship). He couldn’t give me what I wanted because he needed to support himself and work long hours to make ends meet. As hard as it is knowing I’m not with him anymore, he has also been a pivotal change in my dating behavior because he made me realize that someone can love you so much without ever telling you that they do. Sounds like we’re a little of the same person @sams07. The advice I can give you is, the person is dating you cause the love you and care about you. It is 100% okay to ask for them to reassure you and to have them remind you of what they mean to you. But it may be also helpful to think about how they feel when we do such things all the time, it leaves them wondering if we really trust them. If you start questioning if he loves you, remind yourself that he does and even make a list of every reason why he does love and care about you! And when he gives you a new reason, add on to that list. That way, when you start to feel doubtful you can look at that list, and it’ll be words he genuinely feels towards you. (I always used to read old texts of when he did tell me what I wanted to hear - that always helped too) I know this is so hard for us who have ocd but it’s not impossible. If you don’t feel ready to tell him about your OCD, don’t. But also know that it may help him understand a little more of why you are the way you are.

Thank you! This helps :) sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between OCD and if they’re facts... but I figure if it’s on my mind and running around like a hamster wheel, it’s usually OCD

Do you ever feel like your partner will cheat on you? And seek reassurance for that as well?

j289l- I used to, earlier in our relationship. We’ve been together for a year now. Even now, I’ll have slip ups where if he likes a friends picture on Instagram (that’s a girl) it triggers my old thinking. I confronted him (bc my OCD was plaguing me the other night) and he got really upset. He felt I didn’t trust him. I try to remember conversations we have had regarding trust, and how upset he gets. This enough should guide me into the direction of not bringing up those things. I’m not sure how long you’ve been with your partner, or if they know about your OCD, but it definitely helps to be open with them about it. However, I would not seek assurance from them regarding irrational things, as it can wear on them.

akodzic- I’m happy my post/experience has given you some insight! My boyfriend is aware of my OCD. Which has made us stronger but some days it does wear on us, especially during that time of the month! Something that helps me: I have generated a list of irrational thoughts and he checked them off to signify that they’re irrational or true. I refer to that list when I’m feeling doubtful. BUT the only hole in this is that my OCD tends to doubt if those things are still true. But I have to trust it- because like you said, he’s with me because he loves me and cares about me. I should make a list of reasons why he loves me, my therapist has suggested that. Unfortunately, sometimes my OCD doubts those some of those reasons too ? or if I write this list, what if there’s not “enough” reasons? I know this is a lot of my OCD speaking but these are my internal struggles lol