- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I would say dont "fight" but just let the thoughts pass through knowing that they are OCD and not truth. You have done the right thing not to ask for reassurance. The more you ignore them the less power that they have. They are JUST you OCD not facts. Thet will be there but you dont have to pay attention to them. I hope that this helps.
- Date posted
- 6y
Wow, this was me in my relationship. Your post has helped me understand where I may have gone wrong in my relationships because I needed my boyfriend to tell me EVERY day that he loves me or else I was so afraid he didn’t. I feel bad now for not trusting him or being to pushy with him needing to affirm with me all the time that I was the one for him. He told me a few weeks ago that he didn’t want me to focus on me loving him all the time because he did love me, he loved me a lot. He brought up the idea of a break (which we are on now) and I agreed too it (one because I was so afraid of being broken up with, and two - the bigger reason why, he was right and even though I didn’t tell him about my OCD, he knew I was suffering from our relationship). He couldn’t give me what I wanted because he needed to support himself and work long hours to make ends meet. As hard as it is knowing I’m not with him anymore, he has also been a pivotal change in my dating behavior because he made me realize that someone can love you so much without ever telling you that they do. Sounds like we’re a little of the same person @sams07. The advice I can give you is, the person is dating you cause the love you and care about you. It is 100% okay to ask for them to reassure you and to have them remind you of what they mean to you. But it may be also helpful to think about how they feel when we do such things all the time, it leaves them wondering if we really trust them. If you start questioning if he loves you, remind yourself that he does and even make a list of every reason why he does love and care about you! And when he gives you a new reason, add on to that list. That way, when you start to feel doubtful you can look at that list, and it’ll be words he genuinely feels towards you. (I always used to read old texts of when he did tell me what I wanted to hear - that always helped too) I know this is so hard for us who have ocd but it’s not impossible. If you don’t feel ready to tell him about your OCD, don’t. But also know that it may help him understand a little more of why you are the way you are.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you! This helps :) sometimes it’s hard to differentiate between OCD and if they’re facts... but I figure if it’s on my mind and running around like a hamster wheel, it’s usually OCD
- Date posted
- 6y
Do you ever feel like your partner will cheat on you? And seek reassurance for that as well?
- Date posted
- 6y
j289l- I used to, earlier in our relationship. We’ve been together for a year now. Even now, I’ll have slip ups where if he likes a friends picture on Instagram (that’s a girl) it triggers my old thinking. I confronted him (bc my OCD was plaguing me the other night) and he got really upset. He felt I didn’t trust him. I try to remember conversations we have had regarding trust, and how upset he gets. This enough should guide me into the direction of not bringing up those things. I’m not sure how long you’ve been with your partner, or if they know about your OCD, but it definitely helps to be open with them about it. However, I would not seek assurance from them regarding irrational things, as it can wear on them.
- Date posted
- 6y
akodzic- I’m happy my post/experience has given you some insight! My boyfriend is aware of my OCD. Which has made us stronger but some days it does wear on us, especially during that time of the month! Something that helps me: I have generated a list of irrational thoughts and he checked them off to signify that they’re irrational or true. I refer to that list when I’m feeling doubtful. BUT the only hole in this is that my OCD tends to doubt if those things are still true. But I have to trust it- because like you said, he’s with me because he loves me and cares about me. I should make a list of reasons why he loves me, my therapist has suggested that. Unfortunately, sometimes my OCD doubts those some of those reasons too ? or if I write this list, what if there’s not “enough” reasons? I know this is a lot of my OCD speaking but these are my internal struggles lol
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)
- Date posted
- 17w
Really struggling today so far. I have partner-focused ROCD so I’m constantly picking apart my partner and looking for warning signs that he doesn’t love me enough and doesn’t want to be with me or care for me. Valentine’s Day is really hard for me because it’s not a huge holiday for the two of us but of course my ROCD takes it and runs with it. It tells me that he doesn’t love me, things won’t get better, he doesn’t care, he’s lazy, he’s the worst boyfriend, etc. This sucks so much because I just want to accept the fact that my brain wants to tell me these things…it is just so hard!!! :(
- Date posted
- 14w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
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