Getting weird false memory things about when I was younger I used to look up to the older girls at school/ my cousins/ babysitters and things, I used to always want them to like me and think I was cool and I wanted to be cool like them. Now I’m worried this was just a sign And I actually just fancied them :( Trying to accept the uncertainty but this thought won’t leave me alone ahhh, childhood memories and “past signs” terrify me

True I wish I could just say “whatever” to it all but it just feels like it’s all evidence, I feel like a stressed and scared detective haha

I’ve actually heard of people doing this a lot recently and saying it really helps! I heard of one person saying they try to one up the scary thoughts and it helps? However I tried it and it made it worse so I’m not sure if I did it right haha!

Thank you :) still struggling but trying to just accept the uncertainty

@MelodyMoo Me too but I'm failing.

@Jbm421 No you’re not! It just takes so much time and practice, you’re doing so well!

@MelodyMoo Been up and (very) down lately. I can feel the worry about loss of attraction building up. That's why I say failing. Its same crap in a cycle. But oh well.

@Jbm421 I’m in the same exact cycle, so many of us are, I think sometimes we have to change our thinking with this. We’re not failures or bad people for having this disorder or having intrusive thoughts, it’s apart of us and it’s okay :)

@MelodyMoo I'm sorry. It's just I got up earlier than usual to help my mom and mornings are terrible for me. Also, I triggered by a male family member. So, not a good day so far...

@Jbm421 Awh I’m sorry to hear! We have to have bad days sometimes to get the good days, butttt when we have a bad morning or a bad day maybe just try to see it as a bad moment and hope that the rest of the day will be okay :) being triggered by people is always a horrible feeling, I get it a lot with celebs so I really empathise with you there :(

@MelodyMoo Celebrities don't trigger quite as much as before. But given my exposures, the gym has become a big trigger for me. And of course the moment I cant feel for any chick while I'm here (still in the gym as I type this), especially if she's hot or my type,...I feel like I turned and I get anxious and depressed....

@MelodyMoo ...and I engage in too many checking compulsions while I'm at it.

@Jbm421 I do a lot of checking compulsions too! They’re so hard to beat! I guess my best advice would be to not put yourself down so much about getting intrusive thoughts, doing compulsions and feeling a loss of attraction, they’re all really common ocd things and I’ve experienced (and still do experience) all of them too! Accept that the anxiety is there and try and do the treatment and accept the uncertainty :)

@MelodyMoo Well, the fear is a bit more in the background now. But the worry about loss of pretty much never leaves.

@Jbm421 Yeah it’s a scary one, I guess again accept the uncertainty and realise that sitting there and trying to work out what’s gonna happen is never gonna give us an answer as there isn’t actually an answer haha!

@MelodyMoo So messed up its hilarious. I'm out n about running some errands and finally my attraction starts coming back. I mean chick after chick looking amazing but of course my mind is an asshole and I cant have nice things. So my mind says "ok, but so then bi. Now go solve for x! Also, fuck you." And to rub it in we have Pride advertisements popping in NYC. I mean I'm enjoying the spread and not being triggered by any dudes so far but, shit. Let me have a moment. Let me win.....

Yeah true, ocd just likes to twist things haha!