StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

I just keep worrying my bf is a bad person. He doesnt support blm because he watched a video of this black woman explaining that its mostly used for elections and stuff. He said that police brutality is definitely a problem but he doesnt agree with the blm movement but the message I guess. He also likes dark humor and such with bothers me a bit since my ex liked it and he was a very bad person. We disagree on some stuff like he doesnt support feminism but supports equality for everyone he just doesn't like the feminists who are hard-core and hate men and stuff. He also disagreed with me on abortion stuff and said that the father should be talked to when a woman has an abortion so he knows but he said if the man disagrees they go to court. But he said valid reasons were like if you're not ready or etc. But I see this as a bad thing I guess like you can't force someone to keep a baby and I feel like going to court over it is a bit much honestly. He said the only valid reason to not get an abortion is if you didn't think it through or were having a manic episode which I guess I do agree with. I also talked to him about it and he said he wouldn't take me to court over it when I thought he did and said that he would support my decision if I wanted one or not in the future. We also had an arguement over it before because I thought he meant like forcing a woman to be pregnant when she doesnt want to be if the father disagrees. Which I find very wrong. But if he disagrees with me he kind of won't have an open mind at all he's very stubborn about his opinions and before told me that my opinion was wrong which upset me. Its like when we get into discussions like that he just gets into debate mode and I feel like he doesnt really take time to understand my point instead he's just is like oh the evidence says this so I'm right and you're wrong. He doesn't seem to understand why this upsets me even if I explain it to him he says that he does understand my points but I dont feel like he does. And we kind of nearly broke up 2 days ago due to my ocd he said that he doesnt know if he can deal with it when he's in university which I guess upset me since I kind of just felt like I was a burden. He is trying to help me with my ocd though he's generally very supportive and he's trying to get me to stop seeking reassurance and stuff like that so I blocked reddit on my phone and left some Facebook groups since he said maybe it's good to stay off social media for a while since I keep obsessing if he's a bad person basically everyday now. He said that he's very proud of me that I want to try and get better. I dont know what to believe though I dont even know if this is ocd or if he's just actually a bad person and we should break up. I can't seem to rationalise it or anything its just always going into a loop since I dont want to be with someone who's a bad person. Just like when I've posted on reddit before some people were like just leave him and its making the obsession just so much worse. I feel like crying most of the time since this is kind of affecting me so bad and I'm only seeing his flaws now and I feel like I view him differently and I cant see him as a good person.

nikkii

Date posted: 4y

i will try to say this gently. he may be a good person with supporting your ocd but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he’s hurting you internally but he’s not open minded and not willing to listen to you.

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

I talk to him about it and he says he does listen but yeah I don't know if its my ocd or not anymore

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

Sounds like you’re dating my ex lol. I think these things can be important but you need to push ocd aside and decide which of these things are non negotiable for you and what you can let slide. If more are non negotiable then you should break up because you will have to deal with his beliefs forever if you marry him! It’s hard to think about but it’s so important! Don’t marry someone who morally doesn’t line up at all with you. Also try to have an open mind and understand him. For example , Most people I know don’t support the blm movement because the organization has funded things they don’t believe are okay and according to some (I didn’t do research) started for violence, etc.

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

I dont know if its my ocd honestly or if were just not compatible.

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed That’s why you should make a pros and cons list of non negotiables! That forces you to try and use logic. Unfortunately if you use ocd as an excuse then you might marry someone or stay with someone you actually have too many moral differences with. (Don’t take that as offensive! Trying to be raw with you🧡)

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly Yeah I understand what you're trying to tell me its just difficult since this is my first real relationship I really dont want to break up with him

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed Girl don’t break up with him right this second. Conquer the ocd so you can see clearly or clearer I should say. Then that will allow you to use logic. Are you in therapy? My NOCD therapist helped me make my pros and cons list for dating

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly Im not in therapy right now no im on the waiting list

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed I hope you get in soon! It will make a world of a difference

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly I guess everytime I bring up if it'll work out we start getting into an arguement I don't have any friends either to talk to so I feel really alone

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed Awh no I’m so sorry. Ocd makes the world very lonely and having no friends makes it even worse. I’m in the same boat!

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed I would say if it causes an argument then it might not work out

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly Maybe not I dont know anymore im trying to talk to him about it and he just seems kind of fed up

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed If you asking him daily then yes he probably is. I asked my ex everyday if he loved me or if he was gonna break up with me and after like 6 months of this he got so depressed

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly Yeah we've kind of been talking about it for like everyday for this week

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly I just really want to make it work

Justmesadly

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed Understandable! You wouldn’t be with him if you didn’t want that. But I’m assuming you’re young? So this relationship not working won’t be the end of the world even if it feels like it. And who knows maybe it will work out. Like I said try to not ask him everyday and get help with the ocd so that you can view the relationship with clear eyes. Don’t lose hope

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@Justmesadly Thank you

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

Sounds like just a core difference of values hun. Might not be a terrible person, just different from you .

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

Yeah I talked to him about it he said he does agree with me just small differences but we both want the same things like equality

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed Listen none of those you listed are very small differences. Im not saying it's impossible to be together nor impossible to love eachother, but you need to grasp you two are very different in how you see situations lol and that's okay if the rest of the relationship is what you want its just the sooner you see that no its just the fact we are different, is when you can feel more comfortable instead of thinking that things need to be seen the same in order for it to be the "right" relationship, and getting so torn up when it's not.

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@whatadooo Yeah I understand

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

@StarriEyed proud of u for venting!

StarriEyed

Date posted: 4y

@whatadooo Thank you

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