the worst part about hocd/soocd is that i always find myself feeling out of love with my boyfriend. i know i love him but the ocd just makes it so hard.

Yep so true. I just was in a bad mood that everything he did made me feel so beyond irritated like everything he said or did. Ever since ocd I have been super conscious of how he looks/ acts as if he says one thing I don’t like and my reaction is disproportionate and I am trying to regulate it but find myself lashing out at him a lot for hardly anything. He is so accepting of me and all my flaws and so patient and will always tell me I look beautiful when I really really don’t and I worry I don’t have that same kind of unconditional love that he has for me for him. What if I can’t love him in the same way/ I don’t. But before my ocd we definitely fought but the way I viewed him is so different. I guess because Of soocd I hold my relationship even higher because it that’s bad then it confirms it’s because I’m a secret lesbian? Does that make sense. Even as I’m typing this I don’t believe myself and think no it’s all because you really are a lesbian and can’t admit it. Tiring 😥

@lkkkk1234 I completely understand, I’ve been doing that too lately though I think it has to do a little more with my frustration of long distance but my soocd and rocd definitely amplifies those feelings. Have you spoken to him about your thoughts and feelings? You don’t have to tell him the specifics but you can still vent about how it makes you irritable. I’m sure he’d understand that you’re not doing it on purpose and it’s just part of that endless ocd cycle. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know how exhausting it all is. I think the same , if I don’t know how to be an amazing girlfriend at all times and if I don’t act amazing 100% of the time then it must be because I’m truly meant to be a lesbian. 🙄

@PinkLotus Long distance must be so hard! Yeah like if I see him and I don’t feel that atttacfed to him that day then like it ruins my mood completely and some days I do feel rly attracted to him and have a good day. In the past I would never have even thogjnt of it like that. I feel so bad that my love is so ‘superficial’ snd I really wonder if I truly love him and we can be happy together. I want it more than anything I just want to be simple, not complicated, ordinary and content. Is that too much to ask?!

yes! i know deep down he is the love of my life with no doubt, and because i still know this, my ocd makes it so that i lose that certainty. thank you for responding 🤍

@anxious i am pretty much in the same position as you and i’m really struggling x

How do you get past pushing them away or taking your anger out on them? Sometimes I’m just so annoyed and want to be alone because the rocd is making my head spin

my ocd has made it that every time he says something, it goes “i don’t care” or “you really don’t love him” and it’s so upsetting