trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts and fear, it’s so hard. i don’t want this. i just want to go back to my normal self who only focused on what i wanted to and not this shell of who i use to be dying to just live again. pocd is the worst theme, it’s taken over my life. every move i make i am just overthinking everything. my brain tells me lies and sometimes i am so afraid i question if i am just “in denial” it’s so terrifying. i feel so so so much guilt, i would and could never hurt a child, it hurts me to even think about it. it makes me feel evil that i have intrusive thoughts. my brain tells me i am “attracted” to kids even though i know i am not, it’s hell. i’ve been having a huge flare up, maybe bc i am on my period, but it’s super difficult lately. i visited my nephew this weekend and i had so much fun, but of course my pocd ruined it and put intrusive thoughts in my head and said i was “attracted” AND I AM NOT, i was disgusting like ACTUALLY HORRIFIED. i wanted to go home so badly and when i got home i just felt so much guilt. pocd has ruined me. i want to be a mom, i want to be an amazing aunt. why is this disorder attacking me so much. :(

Have you guys tried any erp with a NOCD specialist here? It significantly has changed my life. This type of ocd is probably the most painful, but that is what it is, ocd. I’m trying to find a YouTube link my therapist showed me the other day that was pretty educational.

Makes me sick because I start having false memory with it too

Just gets so confusing because I can’t stand changing diapers or bathing kids

Yes. I highly recommend getting involved in the therapy if you can. I’ve suffered from the same themes and false memory surrounding it all my life. Having someone teach me how to start small and sit with the uncertainty, and over weeks build to the most painful thoughts, has helped tremendously. It’ll be a lifelong journey, but it’s given me hope and healing. You can live the life you want. This is a very common theme and causes the most distress in my opinion. But I’ve read several stories of moms who have dealt with it, and though terrifying, therapy can help you understand that it truly is ocd, and get you ‘unstuck’ from the loops and lies.

Yes, it took me years to understand that no amount of reassurance helps, and I just tortured myself by staying stuck in that thought, of ‘what if?’. The therapy helps start small by sitting with the pain on your lower levels of distressing thoughts, so you can build up to the ones that feel unspeakable. With erp therapy and medicine management through a psychiatrist, I truly have my life back. Don’t give up, hope!

My midwives started me on 25mg, and that through my mind into sad crazy town, and then a psychiatrist took over and throughout the past year I’ve tyrated up to 150mg, which some docs say is where people with ocd feel the most significant change. I’m sure it will be a journey and maybe one day I’ll need to switch things up, but for now, medical management + therapy + some other healthy life changes has been a very healing and positive experience. Scay in the beginning for me personally getting started with meds and therapy, but now I’m so thankful and stoked on life again. It’s an absolute shame how expensive and stigmatizing addressing mental health can be.

But...of course everyone is different and different meds work for different people. Being evaluated by my doctor and a referral to a psychiatrist were my first steps in starting that journey.

I been in therapy since I was 7 Now I’m 21 and it been high and low My ocd, I start NOCD this week I’m really excited too because I don’t go anywhere anymore, all i am is home all the time and just having this gulit and imagines and false memories I always feel like I did something horrible and I think about all the time I can never escape it and then all my other obsession are still there too

I hope the best for you too

It’s really nice talking to people

It’s the gulit and just not understanding

*disgusted

I deal with the same problem lately

I want to have children so bad and it just makes me so uncomfortable,l

I get so mad at myself

Do you have false memories with it or no?

I did find for me personally that Zoloft has helped. Been taking it for a year now and starting out was rough. My experience was that it caused even worse anxiety and almost psychosis for the first month😬 but through the help of my psychiatrist and therapist I stuck it out. It took about 6 months to even out. Went through initial feelings of detachment and feeling loopy. But after that I started to gain a grip and feel better, not just surviving but thriving. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get off of it because I realize with the severity of ocd I have and wide array of themes, it may just be something my brain chemistry just needs. The medicine alone helped pull me out of the spiraling despair and fear and anxiety, and the erp through NOCD has taught me tools to retrain my brain and keep becoming braver. I definitely need both:)

*scary not scay 🤓