I am convinced that I’m the worst person on this planet. I envy those people with real event ocd about something they’ve only done once. The case with me is that it became a habit that I didn’t know was actually terrible at the time. I hate this, I don’t deserve anything good in this world. I should’ve known better

PinkOCD

Date posted: 4y

I agree with Hope, you know who you are now and you learned. Even if you’ve done something that you know now is wrong, that doesn’t mean that’s you anymore. Trust me, I’ve done things I regret a couple times too and I still get OCD as well. But remember who you are NOW, and who you didn’t continue to be.. you still deserve happiness.

truya

Date posted: 4y

Thank you both for your kind words, but if you guys found out about what I did... I’m afraid you wouldn’t think so.

PinkOCD

Date posted: 4y

@truya If people found out what I did and saw too people would look at me differently too. Just know that I wouldn’t ever judge you if I knew you. Something you did may have been f**ked, but trust me. I’ve thought, and done some f**ked stuff too and I know it’s not me anymore and it was a phase and lessons... just remember who you are truly, now. Not the past..

hope

Date posted: 4y

i don’t know what this habit was, but from what it sounds like, you learned and grew. like you said you “didn’t know it was actually terrible” but now that you know, you learned and grew. next step is forgiveness and self compassion. now that you know better, you have grown and that’s a good thing. dont let ocd do this to you, don’t get lost in the horrible cycle it’s waiting for you to get lost in. :(

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Who decides what “deserve” means anyway?! 🥰🥰 I have been where you are SO often, it’s not even funny. I PROMISE that you deserve to be happy and at peace. I found treating the self as a friend helps: Assume a friend has the same regrets you do... You still care for them 🥰🥰 You can also reflect on what treatment from others may have led up to you making the decisions you did: Given the same limited information to work with, could other people have made the same mistake you did? Yes 😋 Would you be as hard on them as you are on yourself? Probably not 🐱 It may also be worth exploring who or what influenced you to feel your worth was tied to a few decisions, instead of the whole if your being simply for being. Easier said than done, I know. I still have to work hard to remind myself of these things. Thankfully, I start therapy today 🥳 Take good care of yourself right now. We are here for you 🌷

Givenup

Date posted: 21w

Something truly horrible

What if you did something so extremely awful and truly horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and v0mit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (3 times) from when I was 14... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rapist at all… I was 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 23... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo... I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was 14 at the time… now I’m 23… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they m*lested and that they needed to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way shape or form... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I was 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 14 because someone told me what these real events were before... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... im so so scared... these real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and v0mit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and scared and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible...

myimmortals

Date posted: 17w

i’m scared i’m. horrible person

i’ve done so many horrible things and i’m just so scared that i don’t deserve anything good in life

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

Real events from years ago questioning who I am

I’m really struggling with real event ocd at the moment because I feel like no one else has done what I did so I’m the exception. I spoke about this already here but I’ve literally been crying every day I feel so hopeless at the moment I wish I could just go back to the years I spent doing this thing and stop myself because my life could have been so much different now. I hate myself so much because I cannot forgive myself. What I did isn’t morally bad it just does not align with my current identity so I really struggle with accepting myself because of my past mistakes. I wish so badly that I had a friend who went through the same thing because I feel so alone

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