I already knew I wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep but I tried smfh. I even took a melatonin which I’ve been avoiding cuz I figure what’s the point of trying to do what I want to do when I can’t anymore smfh. My ocd runs my life pretty much. I’m easily triggered and shit smfh but I can’t really do anything about it. It’s not like I can avoid what I’m feeling when I go to sleep there’s just no end to feeling an arousal feeling when someone is looking at me. It is what it is.

Kind of hard to be positive when I’m unable to fall asleep when I want to anymore. Even taking medication wouldn’t help with this smfh.

@Issac11 I understand you. I've also struggled a lot to the point where I'd be mad at everyone and everything. But the only thing that got me out of it was really trying and changing my mindset. The mindset you have is just going to dig you in deeper.

@ewaedb I have a positive mindset but I’m easily triggered. If I wasn’t being purposely triggered I could go to sleep no problem. I obviously have an issue but I’ve tried 2 antipsychotic medications to help me fall asleep to supposedly take care of a so called “delusion” didn’t help. So it’s not like I don’t want to be positive. The only way to get out of this is by a therapist coming up with an erp that would help with this but I haven’t met one who has come up with one when this happening they’re banking on an antipsychotic but I tried multiple times for a month with 2 different antipsychotics so I’m kind of at a lost.

@Issac11 I mean yeah I understand you. Again I'm not trying to offend you at all, I want to help. I personally got out of it by making sure I'd exercise daily, meditate and and I literally did not let myself ruminate no matter how much I wanted to. Obviously on some days i failed but in total I've had an improvement. And you can too.

@ewaedb I’ve done it but one I’m not going to workout if I’m only having like 3 to 5 hrs of sleep. Your body needs sleep to be able to perform properly in the gym so I’m not going to go when I’m sleep deprived. I do meditate and it helps but it’s not a cure for this supposed piece that’s a “delusion” or “psychotic” that it’s been referred to by therapist’s. Taking medication didn’t help with this piece. I’m still easily triggered whether I like it or not. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut and not talk about how I was feeling better a month ago cuz I was going to sleep and going to the gym cuz then as soon as I talked about it a previous therapist got in touch to trigger me at night and of course it went all to shit cuz no shit I’m not going to fall asleep when I’m being purposely triggered it just doesn’t go away. If I was left alone then yeah I can go to sleep and I know when I’m being triggered cuz I can leave my room and not feel a sensation and as soon as I walk back into my room bam I can feel a sensation or a zap or an uneasiness of anxiety hit me so I’m not an idiot but it’s a given I’m going to feel it. For hrs I have to feel it and I take it. I set up a clock for 10 minutes and rate my level of anxiety every 10 minutes. To give my mind a somewhat break from what I’m feeling. It’s not like I’m trying to avoid what thoughts come up when it’s happening but they don’t just go away. It’s like this for 2-3 hrs or until whoever is doing the trigger gets tired and leaves me alone so I can go to sleep. Cuz as soon as this trigger is done and I’m not feeling it anymore I’m able to go to sleep. Don’t know why someone is triggering me in purpose. It’s either to get me anxiety to doubt myself or to get me to get back on meds which ever the case it’s not going to work. I’m already under the impression until a therapist comes up with a good enough erp plan in place for me to follow so this doesn’t affect my daily life anymore then I’ll be fine but until that happens I’m not going to be fine. This trigger is ocd based a strong ocd but ocd never the less. A therapist can’t have it both ways. They can’t judge me by what goes on when I’m faced with my fears and when I’m not faced with my fears. You can’t do both at the same time. You can’t have someone trigger me face to face and judge me for it and still judge me for when I’m not faced to face with my triggers. If when I’m faced to face with my triggers goes away to where I don’t get thoughts then obviously when I’m not face to face with my triggers wouldn’t even be a problem but until the face to face trigger of thoughts isn’t there then of course this other shit is going to be there and for whatever reason they don’t understand that smfh.