Somethings just never change smfh. Another day where I don’t go to the gym smfh. It’s the same thing every day. I get like 3-5 hrs of sleep and I’ll get up knowing I’ve only gotten that much of sleep and I’ll drink some coffee to try to wake up and eat and watch a little bit of tv and then I’ll start to feel tired again and find myself just turning the tv off and trying to fall back to sleep and by the time I wake up it’s to late to go cuz it’s when everyone goes to the gym and I won’t be able to do anything I want to do so I stay at home watch some more tv probably meditate a couple times to clear my mind and that’s how my day is. I honestly don’t even know where to go for therapy smfh. I was told by a previous therapist that by June Medicaid was going to be approved to cover residential treatment facilities but idk. My previous therapist was making facial gestures to keep me away when I said to her that’s probably what I’ll do probably cuz she’s still in the mindset I’m gay and just in denial which is why she stopped seeing me. She saw that I was no longer accepting that it’s true and stopped therapy with me. Why else would a therapist all of a sudden stop treatment smfh. I’m not in denial I’m just hard to figure out. It’s not like I try to be. Maybe if they just did there jobs right and payed more attention to me and took a more detailed approach with me I wouldn’t be in this mess. My previous therapist didn’t even take notes which at first I thought it was odd and I started to think she can just remember stuff pretty good. But then when she messed up telling me back something one time made me realize she doesn’t take notes cuz it’s like what for what? It’s in the past why does it matter now? She just nods her head and agrees when I bring up something from the past and goes like yeah I remember smfh. Can’t believe it actually took me that long to figure out her method smfh. My first psychiatrist definitely thinks I’m gay smfh and I’m like 21 to 0 bitch and it’s not because I need to prove anything. I just have sex with escorts cuz I need sex and want to have sex and I got tired of waiting for my ocd to clear up to have mutual sex with a girl. It just sucks I have to pay all cuz of my fuckin ocd. If it wasn’t for my ocd I wouldn’t have done it and would’ve had sex probably a long time ago but it is what it is. I’m doing everything I can to get better it just doesn’t work for me smfh. But yeah I’m kind of at a lost on what therapy to pursue now a days. It’s not like anyone I go to actually gets it and tells me what to do or tells me what I should do smfh.