what if my mental "checks"(imagining scenarios with the same sex to see if i am aroused)are actually what i want but i call them "checks" and "compuslions" to mask my denial with hocd??? please help i am starting to panic that i have always been gay in denial and it's not hocd i have been doing good for about 4 days

Very good advice!

@Hopeful8 Thanks!!

thank you infinitely!! such great advice lol you're right stuff has been going on pretty well for the past 4 days so i guess that's why everything suddenly changed and i started worrying about the lack of anxiety

i know this is the best advice you could give but i feel really down like i thought i was doing better

men i've always wanted to be with men and never imagined myself with a woman i do find some women pretty attractive but not anything more then my mind goes like "imagine sleeping with her do you like it??" or "what if you like kissing her imagine kissing her what's your reaction" always had crushes on men though

@Nour04 You're obviously a girl right ? I mean, I have pretty bad ocd and for a while I was dating a girl. I am a female myselfx I tried so hard to figure out if I was gay or not, Now I'm married to my husband. Looking back it didn't matter. It was a phase and fun while it lasted. I still sometimes fantasize about being intimate with a woman. Because it's a turn on for me. Maybe this is ocd. Maybe it's that I'm bi . Maybe you are bi curious or bi sexual. Try not to focus on it too much. If you want to try it our with a woman, do it!

@Hopeful8 i don't want to and that's exactly the theme of my ocd at first the thoughts were so disgusting and disturbing but now they're not so disturbing anymore and it alarms me more because i thought i was doing better i don't want to try anything with a woman and given the chance i wouldn't either i'm just so worried my thoughts are true

@Nour04 Then the reason they're probably so intense is because you don't want it!

thank you for your reply the thing that is bothering me more is that sometimes i get groinal responses and it feels like i actually like and want the thoughts someone had recommended a youtube video about this ans yes ocd can make you feel like you want the thoughts it's just not enough at this point i an sorry you're going through this too it's really dreadful you have my full support!!

@Nour04 plus now my worry is that it's never been hocd and has always been denial since i had been doing good for about 4 days but today isn't that better

@Nour04 You have mine too! Yeah groinal responses are a nightmare, I used to get them a lot too, I think what stopped me from getting them as much was trying not to care about them anymore, I just saw them for what they were, my body reacting to something, I accepted it didn’t necessarily mean I was aroused, but more I was just thinking “what if I get aroused” which then led to me focusing on down there which then caused a sensation. I’m from the uk and we’ve been in lockdown for a while, restrictions are easing now so going out had become terrifying for me. I’m constantly checking when I’m out if I’m attracted to woman, or if I’m attracted to men enough, it’s horrible :(

@Nour04 We get ups and downs, I was better from this for like 4 years and it all came back recently. A good day is a good day, don’t let the bad ones over shadow it