I honestly don’t feel like doing anything with my life anymore. I feel like my life was over once football was over for me. I’ve tried reinventing myself by becoming a fit healthy person. Then I tried being a fun outgoing person. I tried getting a good job a crappy career but it payed me somewhat good enough smfh. I’m just tired. I mean no my ocd isn’t helping either but I just don’t feel a need to prove it anymore. I don’t feel enough want to prove anything in my life anymore. Everything sucks. I’m completely off of all supplements other than having coffee and that’s about it. I meditate everyday and I just feel empty afterwards not really having a desire to show off or anything just going about my day not giving a shit and just chill.

Not really. You can’t outsmart ocd. Ocd is inside your mind. Having ocd means you may or may not have the thought your worried about having but because you have ocd you worry about it enough that is causes you anxiety and depression and so on and so forth. It’s something that’s chemically imbalance in our brain already so it is what it is. Yes a random thought might get me anxiety cuz I’ve never seen it before but it is what it is. I’ve done my therapy. I’ve gone at my ocd challenging it better than most on here for what? To still be stuck? To not actually be good enough to live a life worth having and having to settle cuz I’m still having thoughts that’s causing my body to feel something it shouldn’t? I did what I could and now I’m tired. Being told you need a higher level of care without having the resources to actually seek a higher level of care is why my life is mediocre. There’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve challenged my ocd but unfortunately there’s just some things that I’m unable to challenge my ocd on to get over the top and won’t be able to. It’s the way life goes sometimes. I’ve tried and no one can tell me I haven’t. All you or anyone else will tell me to do is keep trying but for what? I’m not going to keep trying the same way that hasn’t actually made me better. Maybe there is another way but unfortunately therapist’s and myself have not come up with a way to actually get me over the top so I’m done till further notice. Simple as that.

I am doing me. Which is just laying in my bed not doing a single thing.

I’ve done erp. I could go walk by my brother and I may or may not get a homo thought if I do I know not to engage with it or seek evidence of it being true. I simply notice it and move on from it simple as that. Same thing when I’m seeing a girl I may or may not hear the repitive words and if I do I accept it notice it and move on from it and not engage in anything that would be a compulsion.

Nope never done that before. It looks interesting. Maybe I might have to find a therapist to do that on me to see how I react to it.