so lately, my thoughts have been more focused on me obsessing about the fact that “i’m a girl”, or “i don’t feel like a girl anymore” and it’s very disturbing. i feel like i live in my mind and that i don’t own my mind anymore, it quite literally has a mind of its own. the internet doesn’t help because it only says things about gender dysphoria, when i know that isn’t the case here, as i still feel like i am a woman, but my mind chooses to tell me i don’t feel like a woman. these thoughts are often triggered when something happens: for example: when i here my voice and it sounds deep, my mind thinks “your voice is too deep to be a girl’s voice, you must be a man”. or sometimes when i see someone who is going through transition, i think “what if that’s who i am?” these thoughts cause me so much sadness and have made me lose sight of who i am/who i want to be. don’t get me started on how this affects my feelings towards my relationship. because i don’t feel as feminine, i feel like i am lying to myself and my boyfriend, and he is the last person i want to hurt. he is aware of my gay thoughts, and has been so supportive, but lately, i find myself scared telling him about these thoughts because i fear he won’t understand/won’t react well and just tell me “stop, you’re a beautiful girl”. that’s another thing too: whenever someone refers to me as “girl” “daughter” or “miss”, my mind always goes to the “couldn’t be you” place. thank you for anyone who took the time to read this, and i appreciate any advice or tips from anyone who suffers from/has similar thoughts 💗

ewaedb

Date posted: 4y

Hey I'm having literally the EXACT same thing right now. Do you think it's because we both are developing a milder form of TOCD? I thought I was the only one.... How are you dealing with it? I also know I love being a woman and know I want to be one, but the thoughts are becoming so intrusive to the point where whenever I look at my boobs I question whether I like having them.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

i feel like we are definitely developing TOCD. i am struggling a little bit but i have a therapist who is helping me through it. she’s telling me to respond to the thoughts with “so what?” or “whatever” and that is kind of helpful. and i just don’t like how i look right now so whenever i look in the mirror i just get so self conscious and the thoughts about not being feminine enough start up

ewaedb

Date posted: 4y

@anxious SAME. Honestly just knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better, I really thought I was the only one and that meant something but I feel literally exactly like you do. Yeah I try answer like that too, but it's just really difficult.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@ewaedb i’m right here with you don’t worry you’re never alone; odds are there is always at least one person who shares how you’re feeling. this is all just so sad because i love being a woman and want to be a mom and get married to the guy i’m dating now, but i just don’t feel like i’m feminine enough by my own standards and i’m just dragging myself down.

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