I’m kind of confused on the trigger I’m facing right now? I’m watching ESPN cuz I always watch ESPN but I’m feeling this anxiety right now that isn’t associated with what I’m watching. My head keeps turning to look at my window as if someone is looking at me. I don’t know to keep watching tv or to turn it off and let whatever I’m feeling pass or keep watching tv and feel this anxiety that’s mainly on my groin area right now? So I’m like what should I do? I’ve explained to a therapist this but they kind of didn’t give me a good idea or any idea on what to do. I’m feeling anxiety. Like I’m not trying to be an ass and not think about what I’m being maybe forced to think about but if my mind won’t go there what am I supposed to do? This is where I keep failing at. This issue right here is what makes me give up and not continue. An ocd specialist that I worked with thinks its a form of psychosis and wanted me on an antipsychotic. I’ve taken 2 different antipsychotics each for at least a month but I would stop cuz this supposed psychosis piece didn’t go away while being on the antipsychotic. So I’m like the only time I would feel relief is when I would be able to think about sex with a girl which relieved this anxiety. Now if I were to watch tv and a girl popped up I’d hear an ocd thought so I’m like well ok I was able to think about sex with a girl but yet still see an ocd thought pop up when a girl showed up on tv. So I’m like ok. I must’ve been triggered by a girl from a distance and I was able to think about sex with a girl but yet when I’m faced with a girl I still would see or hear my ocd saying “big dick, good dick, guy, gay,” so is it actually even worth being triggered about something I can’t actually think of when I’m out and about or watching tv because I’m seeing or hearing thoughts “big dick, good dick, I’m gay,” like my ocd is still there and I’m still struggling. So cuz of everything I’m saying in this is why I give up and feel like I can’t actually get better cuz I’m doing this blind with no help and I don’t know what to do when feeling like this. This is really hard to do when I don’t have a therapist guiding me through this anxiety. Like I was told to seek a higher level of care but I’m like “ I thought I’ve told you I’m not actually able to seek a higher level of care?” I don’t have regular insurance so why am I being suggested to seek a higher level of care when you know I can’t actually do it? I’m actually trying to get better. I want a normal life but everytime I go see a therapist they’re like they don’t know what to do with me. They tell me I have a lot of knowledge of ocd and erp already and I’m facing my fears already but I’m like I’m obviously failing at an exposure that is keeping me like this that has been called a form of psychosis but yet being on an antipsychotic didn’t help so what else could it be? From what I see in my head of what thoughts continue popping up repeatedly I think the reason why I’m feeling what I’m feeling is due to my ocd that I’m faced with when seeing a girl. But I had hocd. I’m not sure how much erp I should do with this new ocd that affects me from actually asking a girl out and talking to a girl like normal. I don’t want to do an exposure too long that will bring back hocd cuz I want to be able to talk to dudes like normal but also want to talk to girls like normal so I’m kind of lost as to how to go about this. I know this is a lot but I don’t know what to do.