- Username
- BrenB
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m just scared all never find happiness again. Every time I i start feeling better or try to find love in something my OCD won’t let me
It’s another trap and another fear. What if I never find happiness? What if questions are the OCD. I see it as trying to steal three things. My joy, my peace, my purpose. When I find joy in something I feel it shouting doubt or fear about that thing. Sometimes I have to see it as that bully and tell it to shut up and switch my mind to something I enjoy. It is helping to see it for what it is. It’s the OCD not me and I won’t let it win and steal my joy. When I feel discouraged and helpless I find I’m saying what if questions like what if I’m helpless and this overtakes me and I can’t handle it and and and... Is this happening right now? It’s another what if question by the bully. When I am able to properly distract myself I notice I feel so good and the bully doesn’t actually have the power it’s telling me it does. Don’t know if this is helpful.
Concentrate on the facts.
I have the same fears especially the fear of suicide. And the same questions go through my head all the time. I always fear as well "what if I never find happiness or I'm not as happy as u could be" which as Anjuli says is another OCD trap
I’ve had these similar fears. It has helped me lately seeing my OCD as a bully. It’s not me, it’s the bully trying to pull me in and use every trap possible to get me to ruminate and obsess. It lies. Even the idea that I’m stuck in this and I can’t handle it. Another lie. It’s trying to find whatever is the strongest fear to pull me in. Just think about what your biggest loves or priorities are and it is preying on those. For me it’s my kids, my faith, my life, and my sanity. All have been attacked by my OCD bully. It is telling you the opposite of who you are. If mental clarity is something you find very important it will shout what if questions about mental illness. It’s just finding that one thing that you can’t resist that what if questions to.
My harm OCD is acting up again, especially with so much violence in the world, media, true crime podcasts constantly being played by people, or depictions of killers on tv. I feel like I can’t escape it, I try to rationalize with myself that I would never hurt anybody. At the same time my brain insists on playing tricks on me and makes me worry that I may do something crazy. I’m scared of myself at this point and I’m so exhausted. I know my OCD is being the absolute worst, but I’m scared something more may be going on and I don’t know what to do. I’m so afraid of being told that I’m crazy
My Harm OCD is out of control. I’m trying so hard to keep living my life, but it’s scaring me even more. It’s starting to feel more real. It’s feeling like I’m right on the edge of acting on my thoughts and that I actually want to do it. It feels like this is never going to go away and I’m now this person who is going to harm someone. I’m at work because I’m supposed to keep living my life and not do compulsions. But not doing them is terrifying me. I feel like a complete monster and I don’t know what to do.
I can’t figure out if I’m really suicidal or just obsessing over the thought of it. Im to scared to even do it. I don't know if this is my OCD or what but for the past week or so it's been really bothering me these thoughts that I am on edge, scared. I haven't eaten in 3 days. I have imagined every single way of doing it, and everything and it makes me SICK. It feels like an urge at this point. I start to feel like maybe I could actually do it, then I feel myself about to go into a panic attack. I already feel derealization where this world doesn't feel real and nobody seems real to me, and my family feels like strangers and I'm just really scared. I feel very scared. I don't physically feel like I'm "here." I feel like my mind is lost. I feel like I just want to be at peace and then I think I’m seriously suicidal and the cycle just keeps repeating itself. Im sick to my stomach and terrified.
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