I want so bad to tell my fiance what's really going on with me, but i don't know how to...or if I should.

I'll check that out. Thank you

Please take a moment to step back and think logically you said you would never do anything with a trans in real life and only want to be with women END OF STORY however I know that’s not how this kind of ocd works so keep in there and remember that’s not you. I highly doubt your family members have any means of getting your search history so I don’t think you have to worry about that as for the dicks all around the house we see what we are looking for think of it as looking at a red car and all of a sudden you noticed all kinds of red cars you never saw before

Hey man I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I can imagine how that can be tough to deal with but if I have any advice for you is to work on not giving a fuck what other people think about you. I don’t want to reassure you but I strongly doubt that they know you watch trans porn but if they do then work on not giving a fuck. Use it as an opportunity to practice ERP. Tell yourself “maybe they know or maybe they don’t but either way I’m not going to ruminate and give this worry any of my time.” I know it’s hard because I suffer very badly from social anxiety and thinking everyone hates me and is out to get me but by doing affirmations every morning and taking every trigger as an opportunity to heal I’ve noticed that I’m slowly starting to not care what others think. The only person you should explain yourself to is your fiancé if she asks but that’s it. Everyone else can go kick rocks. I also recommend cutting out porn completely. My mental health has improved drastically after I cut it out. I wish you all the love and success my dude. You got this

@ocdman I see what you're saying. I have thought that as well, but I keep thinking what if they are, because it seems so real. My rational brain is telling me no, but the ocd keeps bringing up the what if.

@Just another OCD guy Thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I have just started with erp and am trying not to do these metal compulsions. Rumination is the main thing I'm struggling with. I get triggered and just can't get it out of my head. I have stopped watching porn all together. It's been a few months now. I'm glad to hear that your seeing some improvement with not giving a fuck, that's something I really need to learn. It tough, but I am trying.

@Anonymous You’re doing great bro! I know it’s tough but it will get better just gotta give it a little time. Congrats on quitting porn btw I struggled with that for a while. That just shows how determined you are about healing. Remember to look back and recognize the growth you’ve had this far. You should be proud of yourself look at how much effort you’re putting in!

@Just another OCD guy Thanks a lot man

Yeah same here. I’m glad I told my fiancé about my OCD as well but it can backfire because confessing your thoughts to her can become a compulsion. I remember for a while I felt like I HAD to tell her every single troubling thought to her. Now I just tell her that I’m feeling anxious but I don’t tell her the content of my thoughts

@Just another OCD guy I am exactly like that. Exactly. At first I told her everything about my obsessions but since then I just tell her that some thoughts came back and I feel anxious. She doesn't ask any questions and immediately try to engage into activities with me. She makes sure I don't search reasurance on google and in general shes very supportive. But i would agree that it is a risk in many ways. For me I just trusted her and there was no way to hide it as she could see something was wrong with me as we live together. Instead of hiding it I was open about it and this was one of the reasons I managed to overcome this suffering.