Guys it's just so convincing I honestly feel like this isn't HOCD

Same.... I really don't want it to be true but honestly right now it feels SO true, as if I want it but I'm not allowing myself to want it and if I just gave in maybe I'd realise this was denial or something I'm honestly so scared, thinking that it could be true just makes me want to cry Like right now it feels like if I had to label myself it's as a bisexual that has no desire to be with a woman and I just want to feel straight again because I honestly feel like taht is my true self

I'm honestly so scared I feel like I'm on the verge of crying, I can't even explain what I'm feeling but like when my thoughts come now they convince me I'd enjoy everything with a girl more than wth a guy, which I know isn't true, it just feels soooo true.... how are you dealing with it?

@ewaedb Yeah I get what you mean, it’s like a weird feeling throughout the whole body, I get it all the time too. And honestly I’m just trying to sit with the uncertainty but I find it very very difficult, I feel like there’s so much evidence that I’m in denial, but I guess I’m just trying not to give a shit haha! I’m going on a date with a guy this weekend, last night I was soooo excited as I think he’s really cute, but then this morning I got super triggered and now I’m worried I’m just lying to myself about this guy. I’m getting through it by not asking for reassurance and trying not to check how I’m feeling haha (again trying not to give a shit) :) How are you trying to deal with it?

@Melodyocd I mean yesterday I was honestly thinking I might be lesbian, which has never happened before as I know for sure I'm into guys. So for me it was always being bisexual that triggered my HOCD. Today I'm back to the bisexual which is good, because in that sense at least I don't feel like I'm losing guys but it's still so hard. Just like you I try sit with the uncertainty and tell myself who cares, and I was getting soooo much better but I'm guessing this is my backdoor spike happening. I basically am always with my boyfriend right now so it gets really hard but if I can give you any advice is just constantly remind yourself to enjoy it. Even if you are a lesbian or bisexual, it shouldn't stop you from enjoying your time with this guy. And if you enjoy it it kind of also has the benefit of proving to you that you are into men if that makes sense. But yeah I don't know i think deep deep down I know this is all HOCD but it's so deep I can't seem to remember it right now. I'm legit feeling so bad right now that I'm basically trying to accept that I'm bi. It's so annoying.

@ewaedb Yeah when I’m in those frame of minds it’s awful, I felt like that this morning. Just keep pushing through, we all have our ups and downs with this, I guess something I’ve noticed since trying to tackle my ocd is that even tho I still have downs that are really bad, I recover from them much quicker than I used to. Just treat it as if it is ocd, keep practicing erp and accepting the uncertainty (I prefer saying “not giving a shit” haha) and you’ll start seeing improvement, even if it is slow and gradual

@Melodyocd Yeah that's true, when I'm really low I guess I get out of it quicker do and almost give less of a shit too. I'm literally just at a point now where I believe it's so true that I need to tell people? Like I don't knowwww. I don't want to be bisexual AT ALL. I just honestly feel so lost and I don't know who I am anymore.

@ewaedb Remember ocd can also show up as urges, I’ve felt the urge to “ come out” before. I think a lot of people do with this theme. Treat it like any other intrusive thought

@Melodyocd Oh really? That's so good to know. I was honestly starting to think that this was only something that I have thought about and that's a sign that it's not OCD hahahah. Thanks so much for this little conversation it actually has helped me calm down a lot.

@ewaedb Awh I’m glad I could help! Yeah it’s the same as when some people get an intrusive thought to maybe drive off the road/ say mean things :) I hope you start feeling better soon!