I'm so sick of dealing with rocd. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a month and a bit but we've been talking since September. My rocd has been with me since then too. I'm so done with dealing with the constant uncertainty and never know what's gonna happen. What if I lose feelings? What if if I'm not obsessed over him it means I don't like him or that I eventually will not like him? It's like, I feel ocd stole a lot of things from me. I've suffered the same with figure skating. I loved doing my sport, but I felt the need to be obsessed I'm order to "comprove" I actually loved it. And was scared that if I started not to be I'd lose those extremely exciting feelings that meant I was passionate about it. I overcome my ocd in figure skating; and noticed that yes I loved it, but also wasn't obsessed with it and it felt so weird... Eventually I started feeling unmotivated and quit. And I get so frustrated, it's like I feel like ocd stole figure skating from me. I just wanted to enjoy it and although I did you know... The same is happening with my boyfriend. I love him so much but I'm so tired of dealing with this exhaustion every single day. At this point, I feel like breaking up would make me feel so relieved, free from all those concerns,... I'm so so so done. I just wanted to live life normally.

Thank you! This type of being "obsessed" just happens when ocd is on the way, when I have doubts, when I am insecure about the way I feel towards something or someone. I also have healthy obsessions, that never give me this anxiety and are nowhere comparable to this. With figure skating, I was overly obsessed with it in the beginning of 2018 but only got the chance to actually have practices and so at the end of that year. Obviously, the thought and obsession I had with kinda vanished and when I got the chance I wasn't as excited but still very much because it was something I was wanting for the longest time. So since I was excited, but not THAT much as I was before, ocd interfered with that. The same with my boyfriend. I was excited about him, but the way I love him is so different from the ones I did in the past. I was very interested in him at first, then my feelings kind of vanished because things were too quick for me (he caught feelings and I've never even been in a relationship before, we only knew each other for a month) and then I told him i didn't feel the same way about him and we stayed as friends for a while. That "while" was always accompanied by rocd, I was doubting my feelings CONSTANTLY, checking my feelings for him and their inside meanings... I think deep down it was because I wanted to have something with him, but my rocd wouldn't let me because my thoughts would judge me all the time. I wanted to "like" him enough for my rocd allow me to go further on with him. Thing is I was always questioning my feelings and I knew I wanted something with him so I just decided to go for it because, what would I lose by risking on this? I did and I love being with him, watching him alking about things that excite him, seeing him smile and making him smile, it's the best. I wouldn't trade it for anything or any other boy, I genuinely think that right now no other boy could make me feel the way he does. What fricks me about about him is that for other guys I felt that é trem infatuation where I fell over everything in them and would uncontrollably obsess over everything about them, and with it's not like that, and I know what I feel for him is still love but what I wonder is, is it enough? (sorry for the extreme long text but this really helps me, thank you! :))