Has anyone else struggled with OCD when it comes to obsessing over things like social injustice and finding solutions to societal problems? I haven’t met anyone who shares this with me. It really messed me up bad the last year and a half. Then I started to obsess over my own morality and finding a perfect answer for all of the worlds problems. It’s been much better since joining NOCD though and I’ve learned to manage it.

I remember reading a comment someone had made to one of my posts on an OCD subreddit and they told me how they believed their OCD symptoms got worse during a time in their life when they were socially isolated. Reading this comment made the brightest lightbulb go off in my head because it basically summarized most of what I’ve been going through. In addition to OCD, I also struggle with depression and social anxiety. I feel like these three things and the profound sense of loneliness I’ve felt throughout my years in college (undergrad) feed off of each other. I know that OCD can manifest in so many different ways regardless of what your social life looks like, but I can’t help but feel like the lack of relationships (specifically friendships)/community in my life has something to do with my mental health and the delay in my recovery. Side note: I’m still relatively new to NOCD, but I’m happy to say that I’ve been making some good progress in my therapy sessions <3

Sometimes i think everyone on the right is evil. I ask myself “how can i love people with values different than mine?” I struggle accepting the fact my parents political beliefs are different than mine. I love them so much but it baffles me. We have talked and they say its fine to have different opinions but i can’t help but wonder if i’m doing something wrong by having my beliefs. And then with all the economic chaos today in the US, I can’t help but think that I was right about everything and I just feel like it is my fault that the world is in turmoil. Idk. I think i wish i could stop thinking about it but ever since the election cycle began around a year ago it has been dominating my life. I question myself, i question others, i appear very extremist and rigid and i don’t like it. I want my OCD to go away. Its apparently OCD but it feels so real right now. Can anyone relate? What are yalls thoughts on this subtype?

I wanna start out by saying, I am really proud of how far I've come in recognizing my OCD tendencies and learned about how it can show up intersectionally for BIPOC folks who have racialized trauma and how me, being a White person, how it manifests itself for me. I'd also like to say, this is gonna be more of an analytical and reflective post. Please feel free to read and respond with any critiques or thoughts you have. I'm embarrassed about it nowadays, but it's important to acknowledge because it was a HUGE part of my teenage personality, unfortunately. I used to be a HUGE Shane Dawson fan 😭 like, his content was my strongest hyperfixation to date. So at this point in time, I feel like I'm still trying to decipher what kind of racial commentary and satire and jokes are genuinely funny and which are just perpetuating stereotypes and straight up minstrelsy. Shout out to D'Angelo Wallace for making the video essay that woke me up to seeing this issue more clearly. I try to be aware of how I can easily fall into just laughing at racial stereotypes without being aware of the serious consequences it has for BIPOC people, but at the same time, I don't want to be too worried about everything being racist and therefore that means it's bad and should be banned, cause that's also not always helpful, I've noticed. So racialized fear and polarization is something I'm deconstructing. I hate to admit this, too, 'cause it's embarrassing, but my OCD seems to latch onto racial issues. I end up obsessing about whether or not I'm causing marginalized people harm or not, particularly when it comes to racism. I believe this is because I know I was one of those White kids who was into "edgy" humor when I was a teen. I think it's just lingering guilt from knowing that was wrong, but OCD makes my guilt and rumination and therefore compulsions to "fix" it so much worse than most people. It's frustrating, but I have come a very long way in confronting and dealing with it. I'm very proud of myself for being aware that that's an issue I have. I've got to give credit where credit is due, to my biracial friend (who also happens to have OCD) for essentially helping me learn this, albeit the hard way with many arguments about racism and trauma. It's something that isn't talked about much, but we're learning to build bridges in our understanding of how mental health affects us as people with different forms of racialized trauma. Mine's not so much trauma, but social stigma, whereas his was from actual bullying and harassment and physical assault, simply because of his race. I've also learned how to recognize and deal with my own mental health issues WHILE confronting race because of Black advocates like Tony Nabors who does Racial Equity Insights, F.D. Signifier who does really great intersectional analyses on social issues pertaining to Black people, and D'Angelo Wallace for being the first Black YouTuber that made the problem with Shane Dawson video that finally helped me break out of my lowkey toxic parasocial/trauma bond relationship I had with him, lol. Does this post seem too wordy and analytical for this forum? Let me know if this isn't the right audience for this type of writing and reflection. I just wanted to talk about it because it's something I had to figure out largely on my own. Wondering if anyone else relates to this or can see themselves in this.