Nour04

Date posted: 4y

i haven't been doing super well, but it's still not as bad. makes me wonder if what i am going through is even hocd. i truly feel like i am a lesbian in denial and it has taken its toll on me, but i am still not suffering as much as before, or not anxious as much as expected. makes me think that i may not even have ocd and it's just denial. please help :(

Arben

Date posted: 4y

If the mere thought of being lesbian bothers you, then this is ego dystonic, meaning not something you would like to be. I've been down that road and it turned out i was not gay

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

yeah i don't want that. but before i used to panic for hours ad now it's gone, what if it has always been denial and i am starting to accept it?

Legallyocd

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

How did you find out ?

Arben

Date posted: 4y

You're not in denial since it is still important for you to not being gay

Arben

Date posted: 4y

This is what ocd wants you to do, to question things even further

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

like even at the beginning of this, i wasn't able to do anything at all, not even eat! but now i am able to study and all of that, and doing good in my exams has lifted my spirits so much, made me feel like myself again, but on the other hand what if it means it was never ocd??

queen of rum...

Date posted: 4y

Try to sit with the anxiety of it maybe not being OCD instead of trying to solve. I know from personal experience that can be extremely hard, but it’s going to help.

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

but it makes it harder because I haven't been officially diagnosed

queen of rum...

Date posted: 4y

I’m dealing with this too. My anxiety has gone WAY down compared to my past experiences with HOCD and it worries me. It’s all really tough but try to enjoy not feeling much anxiety for once. Research the back door spike if that helps.

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

anxiety was somewhat reassuring because I at least knew i didn't like it. but now it all feels super real and as if i really do like women

Arben

Date posted: 4y

No, you're starting to desensitize to your fear. When the fear settles, you're much clearer in your head and will see the truth in a better view

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

what if i want it derp down and am repressing it?

Arben

Date posted: 4y

How important is to you to not be gay?

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

i don't want it at all, when i think about it it makes me depressed, but as if i will have to eventually. but now it's not that bad anymore as it was before: i used to feel nauseous but now i can kick the thought out because i have something more important to focus on: my finals. but what if it's becoming true or i am accepting myself ot whatever

Arben

Date posted: 4y

There you have it, it doesn't fall into your true nature of being gay, you feel depressed and bad about it. Then you are not gay.

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

but now each time i see a girl my heart beats super fast. is that anxiety or a crush? plus, i always check to see if i want to be with girls, which is a compulsion. but now because the anxiety has subsided, it's starting to feel like "fantasies" and not checks. i am desperate

Arben

Date posted: 4y

That's normal for ocd. What you're feeling is anxiety, not love. When you're in love or attracted, you feel warm and comfortable, not uncomfortable. Don't overthink, that's what ocd wants you to

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

thank you so much for answering to my nagging. so sorry i complained to you, and thank you again for listening and helping

Arben

Date posted: 4y

If you were to be gay, you would be comfortable with it. You wouldn't check to reassure yourself

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

thank you immensely

Arben

Date posted: 4y

You're welcome, feel free to ask anytime. You're not nagging, you're just being concerned about ocd just like any of us

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