Help! A kid I used to be friends with liked my selfie and it’s very awkward because I think he used to be a customer of mine on onlyfans. I wanna block him but we used to be friends and I can’t get him out my head and I love my boyfriend. Help me

Long story short he’s one of many subjects of my ROCD intrusive thoughts (i’m in a committed relationship) but we were once decent friends in college. We’re mutuals online bc we’re both artists. I recently ran into him while visiting campus, tried to reach out to catch up and got ghosted after expressing that I can sense he doesn’t care for the friendship (he kept flaking and I’m worth more than that lol). Told my bf, he seems indifferent . But he also doesn’t know how bad my ROCD can get. Should I just cut the dude off? I feel that’d provide a quick temporary relief from the ROCD problems, but I also am sad for the friendship. He helped and supported my bf and I’s relationship when no one else did. Plus he’s not the source of the ROCD, my brain is. Cutting out every trigger won’t fix it.

I'm 26 A while ago, I found out I have OCD, with intrusive thoughts and all, and I'm taking medication. The thing is, despite having people around me, I Lost all my family and been through alot i feel lonely in this treatment journey. I don't have many female friends, I've never talked to a boy in real life. and I always live in a routine. I couldn't find any work even though i apply and Even when I talk to anyone around me, I don't feel like they fulfill me. I always find talking to people online really good and it always end up with being attached. About two months ago, my sister told me about an app for playing games. I joined and played normally. After two weeks, I formed a team and introduced them to each other, and they all really liked each other. I got particularly attached to a girl and a boy. This boy is 9 years younger than me i thought he was 18 but he is 17 i found out very late they also not the same religion. Sometimes I'd feel emotions, but I didn't know what they were. I'd be happy when I was with them because they cared about me so much, their humor was like mine, everything clicked, and they loved me, or at least that's what I understood. I felt what I was doing was wrong and that I had to delete it. So, I wrote to them saying I wouldn't play again. They didn't understand why and were upset with me. I stopped playing, but after two weeks, I don't know what brought me back. I played with a boy who turned out to know the girl and the boy I used to play with. This new boy, it turned out, he had a crush on the girl i used to play with, and I didn't know that. I also developed a crush on him for a while, and I don't know why. I know this is so wrong, he's smart and has a strong personality, and we were like Tom and Jerry Attitude. But when I understood he liked the girl, I tried to detach myself from him and I succeeded To let go of this attachment. During this period, the boy who is 17 I had a crush on before but as brother and sister i guess i was very attached he is very attentive to me and would confide in me, especially me. I loved that and started to feel attached to him again, but I tried to ignore it. Then, the day before yesterday, I noticed his demeanor had changed. We were playing, and suddenly he said the game was boring without the others. I told him it was fine if he wanted to close it until they come back. He said okay, and we closed it. I was so surprised and upset. I felt like I was being intrusive or forcing him to play, None of them log in much anymore like they used to, and I'm always the most enthusiastic one. Anyway, I logged in later to ask him what was wrong. He kept saying "nothing." So I left him, and he knew I was upset with him. His attitude with all of us changed even the girl noticed that too , but He went online because he didn't want to sleep while I was upset. He came back and said, "I'm sorry, I don't like any of my siblings being upset with me, and I'm also worried about my last year of high school " It will start after 2 months he is now in vacation. I explained to him that his words bothered me. He then kept saying, "You might not believe me, but you're the first person I've known, and you're in one league, and the rest are in another." I told him I was turned off and might stop playing the game for a bit. I told him I wasn't upset with him at all, I just wanted to clarify. He said, "No, please don't go I love it when we all play. The game will be bad without you because when you log off, no one else logs on. Honestly, I got more upset and felt like I was just the one bringing them together and nothing more. I told him, "Okay, I'll gather you all and then I'll leave." He said, "Do what you want, but it's nice when you and I play, but it's even better when they come." I was so suffocated by all this talk, I don't know why. This is the first time I don't understand myself. Is it because I'm always been the enthusiastic one? Anyway, he told me, "The most important thing is for you to know that I'll always be waiting for you, and in my life in general, the first person I know always has a special place for me." He told me to believe him and said, "You are the best siblings I've ever known." I told him, "Me too, truly." And that was it. I closed the chat with him, feeling all those jumbled emotions I mentioned above, and regretting what I did because I got attached again. And that's all very very wrong And I know this is wrong, especially since he's not of my religion, and it's inappropriate to play games at such a late hour. Plus, he's 17 and I'm 26, so I don't know what this nonsense is. I feel like a child What's wrong with me? I have very bad thoughts about myself this morning is this POCD?

okay, so when i first started getting involved with guys, i wasnt really the nicest person when it came down to it and so, i started talking to this guy. His name in this is gonna be James well I liked this guy, and yk I was just there, I didn’t really like relationships or anything. Wasn’t big on them whatever. Well his friend Jeremy starts taking an interest into me. So I’m like why not? And go for it. And when I did he wasn’t my type at all. I wasn’t attracted to him, like maybe at the time I like had to convince myself he was attractive. And you know, he wanted to get together, this was my first sense of a relationship at all. But I didn’t fantasize about being with him or anything and like hardly thought about him also But we wasn’t together? Just talking. And he’d like talk to other girls. And just everything like that whatever. Well he got with this girl named Mallory and I like was upset. And so I homewrecked it. But when I did I was glad the attention was back? But he asked for a relationship I didn’t want it. And I homewrecked a few more times, and well then. Me and this girl became friends. I forgot about this guy for like months. And then randomly one time I was at his cousins house for an event. And he was there with a different girl. And I was just hanging out with him? I wanted him to find me attractive and what not. But I didn’t want romantically involved with him? well, then we go out of contact for a year, I meet other guys, don’t think about this dude at all. Whatever I get in a relationship with a guy and then break up, and i talked to this guy who slightly looked like jeremy and my sister brought it up. but i only talked to the guy because i wasn’t supposed to? so it made me want to more. and i thought about jeremy once, not missing him or anything still not thinking about Jeremy then I get with my current boyfriend, who I’ve been in love with for two years now? Been together 5 and our past was really horrible a lot of girls and what not guys too? But then. We get together whatever, I love it. I was always worried about other girls, if I’m in love, if this is what I want?, and everything like that, and then it was like everything I did? I’d tell him, talking to a guy, getting intrusive thoughts about them whatever. Then I get an intrusive thought about Jeremy. and it was like horrible. something about his arms? And it’s like my boyfriend told his friends. And his girlfriend found out. the same one I homewrecked my bestfriend, and then it was horrible like the past coming back, and I hated it and I avoid seeing this dude, talking to him, I’d look at him just to see if I’d get the anxiety in my stomach like I couldn’t look at pictures videos or in person without getting sick but I’d feel the need to look? For the feeling of anxiety and the sickening feeling, and I’d tell my boyfriend everytime I looked at him or anything it was horrible, well then it gets horrible, intrusive thoughts about leaving my boyfriend, or comparing him to my boyfriend, or wondering things, or that it’s feelings, and I’d just drive me crazy, like i wont get phone cases, he had or looked similar, emoji’s he used. or anything like that i wont wear his favorite color absolutely nothing. like crying on my boyfriends chest over it. And we broke up over it. The thoughts went away for the couple of hours, I didn’t think of them or anything but as soon as me and him broke up I looked at a pic of Jeremy to see how I felt then I didn’t think of anything else I just wanted to be back with my boyfriend, now we are back together and it’s still happening and the guys name just pops up if I’m like “I love my boyfriend” his name pops up. Or randomly out throught the day, I forgot about it for a little then I’m fine but I went to a therapist and she said intrusive thoughts and ocd and another said that plus anxiety but I need help. I need answers or what other people think. I’ve looked into everything I’ve puked and made myself sick over it so much it’s been a little over a month now. it’s died down after he got a buzz, and school let out. But idk what it is. and my mind constantly wants to figure out the past? and tell me that if i unblock him it will get better? idk. i think in the past it was a false crush?? or something. or i just enjoyed the validation and attention from him.. but when he called me nicknames id be like “omg!!” and freak out? like i cant rmb in a good or bad way. i didnt remember it until my friend mentioned it. please help me.