- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It can be extremely unpleasant to sit with the thoughts especially when you feel the urge to confess them, however it sounds to me like confessing to him about the thoughts is a compulsion. We make our ocd better by eliminating compulsions and learning that we can tolerate the uncertainty the thoughts and feelings give us. Do u have a therapist? I would recommend taking to them about this issue. Also try to sit and enjoy the time you have with your boyfriend. We never know how much time we have with them.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you, yes confessing is my compulsion and it is extremely uncomfortable to sit through. My therapist has directed me to sit through them no matter how much anxiety it causes me. I want to sit through them but it’s just so hard sometimes.
- Date posted
- 4y
me too! if I don't speak my mind about something with my bf, I get sick and dizzy until I confess. but tbh, if your bf "doesn't wanna hear about it", that's a red flag for me, because it's not like we WANT to deal with this stuff. your partner should be able to listen to you and help you through this stuff. like with my bf for example, a few months ago, I was stressing out sm that i thought I was starting to lose feelings and eventually break up, and he was there for me to help me figure out why and talked me through everything I was feeling to understand where I was coming from. you're allowed to be stressed and worried and it's good to talk to your partner about things that could potentially affect your relationship. if he doesn't wanna hear about those types of things then that's worrisome tbh :( he should be open to listening to you as your bf, and I've learned that from my past relationship with a guy that didn't really care to get to know me and why I think the way I do. please talk to your bf and tell him how he makes you feel! communication will ALWAYS be a huge key factor. mental illness is something that should NEVER be pushed aside, whether you're the one dealing with it or not. same with insecurities. we all have them for a reason and it's important to figure out why you and your partner have them. I'm sorry you feel ashamed to share your feelings :( I'm glad you could do it here
- Date posted
- 4y
The reason he doesn’t want to hear it is because he knows this is part of my OCD and that this is a compulsion and doesn’t want to hear everytime I gave someone a compliment or felt attracted to someone else. I do have a therapist and she has directed me to sit through my compulsion to tell. It just feels so impossible to sit through sometimes
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous ohhhhh that makes more sense now :( yeah yeah a toughy... but maybe starting with telling somebody else about those things might be a good first step. I know you wanna tell him specifically because he's your bf, but maybe getting it off your chest in general might help a lil :(
- Date posted
- 4y
@amberellal I’m not supposed to do that either because confessing to anyone is still a compulsion :/
- Date posted
- 4y
@Anonymous oh oops sorry I didn't realize :( does writing to yourself about it count?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(
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- Date posted
- 18w
I have been really really struggling for the past 3 months and haven’t been able to stop intrusive thoughts/ rumination and confessing. It’s making me question my entire life, my relationship and even who I am as a person. It’s mainly effecting my relationship, I am so afraid that I did something or think things that are definitely hurtful to my partner. I know my brain is contorting my own memory and making things seem so much worse. I also know I haven’t done anything bad, all my things I’ve confessed about have been considered “normal” and I’ve been told that “you’re normal, you didn’t do anything wrong”. But I have felt this intense sense of guilt and shame and it doesn’t go away, I can’t even be a normal person anymore. And I keep searching for “just one more thing I need to tell” and I don’t want to keep searching my brain of every time I’ve said or done anything that I can distort and make seem 1000% worse. I’m isolating myself and just feel like I’m a bad person. I keep confessing my thoughts, feeling, urges, etc. to my partner and while I know I would never do any of these I feel like my ocd is trying to convince me that maybe I would because “why else would you think it or feel guilty” and that makes it so much worse. I really need guidance on how to handle this. What do I do to stop feeling like this and heal?
- Date posted
- 17w
I’ve been feeling the compulsion of confession again. I hate confessing things to my boyfriend I don’t want him to carry the burden. I’d rather hurt than him hurt. But I feel I did something wrong and he needs to know. Like I need to be punished or something. I may be over reacting to it but I just feel guilty and I had a panic attack when I woke up yesterday. I would never cheat on him. Just making guys laugh I feel like I am doing him wrong or flirting. And then when I notice it I just feel awful. I just want to be liked and noticed not romantically but just as a human. I don’t know why I act like this and feel the need to tell him as if I slept with someone. I think it’s attacking my biggest fear which is losing him. Does anyone have experience with this?
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