Hey guys, anyone have moral/scrupulosity OCD? I have obsessions in which I remember things that I feel my boyfriend may think were “wrong” and worry that if he knew he wouldn’t love me anymore/I wouldn’t be good enough for him, so I compulsively confess things to him. However confessing to him is really hurting my relationship- he doesn’t want to hear all the little things I obsess about. Anyone have any advice on sitting through this? It is extremely uncomfortable not to confess and I often have full blown panic attacks.

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(