- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s called a back door spike, and it seems that you need to stop doing compulsions
- Date posted
- 4y
i have somewhat stopped, but it doesn't even feel like a back door spike: even this thought doesn't give me anxiety but i just get concerned because at least when i felt anxious and nauseous all day i knew i didn't like it and something was up but now... i don't know anymore. i just find it odd that i don't experience neither anxiety nor severe thoughts and rumination anymore. is it still hocd or just a cover up for denial?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 What you need to do is accept certainty, I have a gut feeling that your just going through hocd, actually I know you have hocd, so don’t worry about that, what your going through is common as fuck so don’t worry
- Date posted
- 4y
I’ve also gone through this. Still kinda going through it still, but dealing with it. I don’t all the details of your situation, but what I think it might be is just the doubting nature OCD creates, especially when it comes to itself. It’s called the doubting disorder a lot because it makes you get anxious and questioning about EVERYTHING. And I feel like I speak for a lot of people on here when I say I’ve felt like I was faking it and it was all my fault. It wasn’t my fault, and it’s not your fault either. It’s tough to distance yourself from the thoughts when they’re always there, but trust me when I say that it’s NOT you. This little portion of your brain is tricking you and it’s not your fault. If I can feel at least a little bit better as a lazy twenty year old, I’m pretty sure anyone can
- Date posted
- 4y
thank you so much for your kind words. this honestly was really needed! i can't thank you enough❤ how are you doing?
- Date posted
- 4y
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- Date posted
- 4y
well there has been moments where i was like "i don't care anymore" and then i tell myself "why don't you care don't you have hocd or were you jist in denial?" and then in response to that last question my brain also goes "don't try and act like you care just to justify your hocd because it is not hocd and you're faking everything so don't act like it is" it's like this huge fight between "3 personalities" and i don't know who i am or which thoughts belong to me anymore
- Date posted
- 4y
@Charlene thank you infinitely for all of this!!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
- Date posted
- 18w
I don’t know what to do anymore, this started nearly a year ago and caused so much stress and panic attacks over the thought of loosing my boyfriend. Now it just feels real and that he always liked girls and suppressed it (but like the boys i always liked in the past were real feelings they had to be and with my boyfriend i love him) but i haven’t got much anxiety now feels like i want the thoughts and that they don’t bother me even tho they used to, this seems to happen every time i get a lil better, idk just feels so true and that’s what i acc want with no stress, just a lil scared.
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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