please reply! has this ever happened to anyone before: you feel like you're getting better, far less thoughts and no anxiety, but it feels awful? like where's my anxiety? why am i not worrying? where is my so-called hocd? was it never hocd but just denial? why do i feel like i like the thoughts? and even this doesn't give me anxiety like it used to. y'all i am so scared it was never hocd and just denial. far less thoughts, far less rumination and less compulsions(i still mentally check girls to see if i like them and imagine scenarios to see if i like them but the anxiety is totally gone) i am so tormented by the idea that it was never hocd, at least anxiety made it feel like it and not whatever this is.

Ocd Warrior

Date posted: 4y

It’s called a back door spike, and it seems that you need to stop doing compulsions

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

i have somewhat stopped, but it doesn't even feel like a back door spike: even this thought doesn't give me anxiety but i just get concerned because at least when i felt anxious and nauseous all day i knew i didn't like it and something was up but now... i don't know anymore. i just find it odd that i don't experience neither anxiety nor severe thoughts and rumination anymore. is it still hocd or just a cover up for denial?

Ocd Warrior

Date posted: 4y

@Nour04 What you need to do is accept certainty, I have a gut feeling that your just going through hocd, actually I know you have hocd, so don’t worry about that, what your going through is common as fuck so don’t worry

Bomalley

Date posted: 4y

I’ve also gone through this. Still kinda going through it still, but dealing with it. I don’t all the details of your situation, but what I think it might be is just the doubting nature OCD creates, especially when it comes to itself. It’s called the doubting disorder a lot because it makes you get anxious and questioning about EVERYTHING. And I feel like I speak for a lot of people on here when I say I’ve felt like I was faking it and it was all my fault. It wasn’t my fault, and it’s not your fault either. It’s tough to distance yourself from the thoughts when they’re always there, but trust me when I say that it’s NOT you. This little portion of your brain is tricking you and it’s not your fault. If I can feel at least a little bit better as a lazy twenty year old, I’m pretty sure anyone can

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

thank you so much for your kind words. this honestly was really needed! i can't thank you enough❤ how are you doing?

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

well there has been moments where i was like "i don't care anymore" and then i tell myself "why don't you care don't you have hocd or were you jist in denial?" and then in response to that last question my brain also goes "don't try and act like you care just to justify your hocd because it is not hocd and you're faking everything so don't act like it is" it's like this huge fight between "3 personalities" and i don't know who i am or which thoughts belong to me anymore

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

@Charlene thank you infinitely for all of this!!!

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