I have struggled with addictive behaviors a well as anxiety depression and intrusive thoughts (possibly OCD) for decades. I've started getting a handle on my addiction b thanks to God and the 12 Steps. I assumed that my depression anxiety and intrusive thoughts would get better after I got sober. Instead I feel like things have gotten worse mentally... Especially with regard to intrusive thoughts. Can anyone relate to this?

Hi, I’m new to the app as of today. I’m 20 years old, and wanted to get some stuff off my chest about the types of OCD I’ve been experiencing over the years. I’m not entirely sure how or when my OCD was brought up, but I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. Anywhere and everywhere I go, if I see things placed in an order/angle that my brain doesn’t approve of, next thing I know I’m “fixing” it to be in the placement I feel looks better. I’m not aware of why I feel the need to do that, but until an object is in the “right” placement, I won’t take my eyes off of it. My eye will even twitch. Another form of OCD I have is in relationships. I spend each day overthinking and over-analyzing every one of the relationships that are important to me. Friends, family, significant other. Another one is what’s considered “Pure OCD” . When I get an intrusive thought of something devilish, whether it’s randomly seeing my great aunt naked bc my grandma considers her “fat” even though she’s not, or it’s seeing something demonic and traumatizing, I immediately tell myself, “I don’t wanna see/think about that” over and over and over until the thought is gone. Or I’ll try to replace one mental image with another. One other form of OCD I face every day, is religion. I got baptized for the first time in my life earlier this year in January. I had finally started to repent for my sins, and now I’m constantly feeling afraid that I’m letting God down due to my depression/lack of motivation and vaping/smoking. I also fear excessively that He’ll banish me from His kingdom, or just turn a cold shoulder. I know that what I’ve just typed up is probably all over the place. That is my brain unfortunately. How do you go from being a mentally disorderly and seemingly erratic young woman, to a more well-established, successful woman? I’m all ears!

So I’ve noticed that my OCD has calmed down, I’m getting less intrusive thoughts but I feel more uncertain than ever. Is this normal for recovery?

Does anyone who has gotten better/healed with OCD ever experience that their thoughts and urges get more difficult as you get better. I feel like I am getting better at handling certain things but I feel like now newer themes and such get more difficult as I progress. I was curious if this is kind of the process to getting better. Weirdly, like it makes sense the closer you are to getting better thoughts become worst and stronger since you are doing better. Just need to keep on pushing and doing what I have been. Let me know, would love to hear your guys thoughts and feedback