OCD is ruining my life. I thought I had my recovery down & have done so well for almost 7 months. Then this week I had an intrusive thought I couldn’t get rid of - my brain convincing me that I’m in love with somebody else when I am absolutely not. I adore my boyfriend and I’m currently away traveling with him. He struggles to understand my thoughts and struggles with his reaction to it and overthinks my thoughts that I didn’t even want to have. :( please if anyone has any advice, I’m desperate as I can’t lose the love of my life over OCD.

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

Ok so this all could be for reassurance but I’m rlly upset en and need help. So to preface, I had ocd when I was younger her and when I started dating my current bf it suddenly returned but ig I didn’t realize it was rocd bc I never knew it could present itself in this way. All I knew was “go away I just wanna love my bf and stop liking other guys” when my brain would get me so confused. A couple weeks ago I started on Luvox and I thought it was rlly working bc I also started seeing an ocd specialist and she gave great tips on exposures and the Medication in conjunction w that jus felt like it finally make me myself again. However, yesterday I had some gwneral intrusive thoughts in the morning and right before that, I was on top of the world so happy bc I was myself again. When the thoughts came I was like ew oh whatever. UNTIL my brain was like nagging me and making me feel guilty for having those thoughts. So I dove into em making sure they weren’t true etc. bc that never fixes anything it kept progressively getting worse and I forgot my exposures in those moments bc I just wanted to make sure I loved my man and didn’t do smth against him. Towards the later day, I was swimming w my siblings and my bf and the whole time I had a blast bc he’s the best, but I had nagging thoughts and feelings saying some guy from my new job is similar looking but slightly better looking and he’s the one guy I’ll leave my bf for. And it’s been saying that and variations of it from over 24 hrs now and I feel so awful. I feel guilty and to make things worse. Last night bc I spiraled/ relapsed so hard my thoughts also said I wanna leave my bf bc I no longer love him and I miss those old feelings but I can’t jus forget how awful I am as a gf to him bc my thoughts and ocd feelings. I feel terrible and I jus wanna be fixed😓I don’t wanna like that guy my man is my bsf and so cute and handsome and perfect. Why am I still “confused” if I don’t wanna be etc. my therapist said to go toward my goals and Values and not let ocd stop me from it, but I feel as if I can’t til I make sure I don’t like the other person or wanna but all I want is to be me but I feel like a liar 😞

Hi everyone, I really need help and guidance because I feel like I’m falling apart and I don’t know how to handle this anymore. Please read carefully what I’m about to say. I’m dealing with ROCD (at least people tell me it sounds like ROCD), but everything feels too real, too intense, and I feel like I’m losing myself completely. I feel like I’m stuck in my mind all day long. I keep thinking that I don’t love my boyfriend anymore, that I never loved him, that I only wanted the idea of a relationship and that I forced myself to feel something because he is such a good person. My intrusive thoughts say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You never loved him.” • “You’re forcing yourself.” • “You only liked the idea of love.” • “You’re ruining him and yourself by staying.” • “The relationship is wrong.” • “You’re a bad person for pretending.” And my FEELINGS are worse than the thoughts — I feel NOTHING when I’m with him. When I hug him, kiss him, or hear his voice, I feel disconnected. I feel numb, empty, fake. Sometimes I even feel disgusted when we are intimate or when he says something sexual, and then I feel huge guilt and anxiety about that. When we’re talking or when I’m with him in bed, I constantly think: “I don’t like him anymore,” “Why am I here?” “Why can’t I feel anything?” “Maybe I just want to escape this relationship and I’m not brave enough.” And now, I’m starting to feel that I’m not even upset about the thoughts anymore — which makes me think “See? It’s true, you’re finally accepting it.” This scares me so much. When I look at our old pictures, I feel no warmth, no happiness, just anxiety or nothing at all. When people ask me about him or mention him, I feel flat or uncomfortable, and my mind screams again: “You don’t love him anymore.” Even worse: my family sometimes says things that make me spiral more. My mom told me that I’m lying to myself and that I’m hurting him by staying, and that I need to stop if I don’t love him anymore. I know she didn’t mean it badly — she sees me suffering every day and it’s too hard for her to watch — but those words stuck in my head and now I can’t get them out. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know what my values are, or what I want. I know I care about him — but then I think maybe I only care because I’m a good person and don’t want to hurt him, not because I love him. When I’m out with him, I often feel irritated, anxious, uncomfortable — and this fuels the thoughts even more: “See? You can’t even enjoy time with him anymore.” I know that logically I should sit with these feelings and thoughts and not give them power. But it feels unbearable. I’ve read so much about ERP, I’ve tried to understand this logically — but it’s like no matter how much I read or try, it doesn’t help. It feels like my mind is now saying: “No, this is different — this is the truth.” I feel alone because I have no one to talk to. Whenever I try to talk to my mom or someone close, it only makes things worse because I feel more confused and guilty. Even when I try to write here, it feels compulsive sometimes — but I’m desperate. I just want to stop suffering. I am exhausted. I am afraid that I will go to the beach with him and our friends in one month and I will feel horrible there too, ruining everything. I am afraid that I can’t be happy anymore and that the only solution is to leave — but that also terrifies me, because I don’t know if it’s the truth or OCD. Please, if anyone can give me some advice on how to sit with this and start healing, I would be so grateful. I feel like I have no strength left. I just want to feel peace again.