I’m so sick and tired of OCD ruining my happiness. Whenever I’m genuinely happy and content, it comes back with full force. I can’t be sure if this is even a real event or a false memory but I constantly feel like a shitty person and that I must confess. Long story short, my ocd has convinced me that when I was young like pre-teen years (I’m 22 now) that I google searched ‘child porn’. I know for a fact I 100% have never watched or liked anything like that and that I am not a pedo but the memory is giving me extreme anxiety and guilt. I have no idea if this is real or not?! How can my brain just make up something that is not real????? I had this OCD thought first occur a couple of weeks ago, I got over it and felt happy again and it came back??! Am I stuck like this forever? Shall I confess to my boyfriend who will definitely not understand? Please someone help me. Do I just sit with the anxiety? Does that work for this type of OCD?!

How do you know it's a false memory/OCD and not something that actually happened? I feel like a terrible person. I'm a very creative person, and the more I stress about whether I did this bad thing the more it seems real. The worst part is is that I have no way of reassurance without sounding crazy. I have ROCD and I randomly started obsessing over the 7 months of our relationship whether or not I've cheated on him. Even though I love him more than anything and I would never do that! I'm constantly triggered by coworkers or classmates that I've previously found attractive or liked and/or I know they've liked me or flirted with me. I'm at the point now where I'm rereading simple texts/straightforward texts of these people asking me about school work or if I could cover a shift trying to find proof of something I can't remember. My partner knows about my OCD and is very understanding and supportive. I feel like I'm living a lie. When this first started my rational brain knew this wasn't real, but the more I become obsessed the more it becomes more distorted. I feel guilty for being happy. I just want to be guaranteed it's not real so I can move on with my life. It's moving to specific people now and it's scaring me how real it feels.

Does anyone have false memory/real event OCD around the fear of being abused as a child? I know logically I wasn’t, but I recently had a random memory pop up from childhood, that my brain started thinking about and worrying that maybe I was abused. It has now turned into an absolutely horrible OCD obsession and I feel so alone. It consumes my mind 24/7. I KNOW the thought isn’t real, but I keep worrying what if I have repressed memories that I just forgot about? I never once have had the thought that I was abused. I have a wonderful relationship with this person and my biggest fear is believing this thought and ruining my life as well as there’s. It’s extremely scary

I keep oscillating between telling myself that a faint memory could’ve been true since it popped into my head in a moment of distress and it was the first immediate memory I had so therefore it must’ve happened, and that I’m just in denial and trying to make it OCD so I can live with the fact that it “might not have happened”. I’m so scared that it did happen and that I’m relying on the fact that I didn’t remember the specifics so that I can have the possibility of it not happening. It’s not something I condone today nor does it reflect who I am nor does it seem like something I would do, but if so, why did it feel so familiar ? I have evidence that my memory is really distorted at times and it combines things and I was in a state of such panic that I might’ve just compiled memories together that is the worse scenario (since it’s something I’m so afraid of happening). But then I keep getting scared that I’m just in denial because I feel a faint familiarity to certain things. I’m honestly so panicked and sad and heartbroken. I keep fearing I did something wrong and faint memories would pop into my head and I would question when it happened and try to remember everything and it would anger me that I couldn’t remember everything. And it feels so wrong for me to just live with the fact that something could’ve happened even though it’s not reflective of who I am today. It feels immoral to not confess. I just want words of comfort and understanding and I just need to know I have hope for the future and I can be happy. Please help.