I’m so sick and tired of OCD ruining my happiness. Whenever I’m genuinely happy and content, it comes back with full force. I can’t be sure if this is even a real event or a false memory but I constantly feel like a shitty person and that I must confess. Long story short, my ocd has convinced me that when I was young like pre-teen years (I’m 22 now) that I google searched ‘child porn’. I know for a fact I 100% have never watched or liked anything like that and that I am not a pedo but the memory is giving me extreme anxiety and guilt. I have no idea if this is real or not?! How can my brain just make up something that is not real????? I had this OCD thought first occur a couple of weeks ago, I got over it and felt happy again and it came back??! Am I stuck like this forever? Shall I confess to my boyfriend who will definitely not understand? Please someone help me. Do I just sit with the anxiety? Does that work for this type of OCD?!

Brains make up unreal things all the time. Do some research on false memory OCD and ERP. Find a therapist who knows OCD if you can. Just sitting on it won't really go away until you make a clear choice not to ruminate on it. Do you get closer to the answer the more you think about it? I never do when I ruminate. Actually, check out the OCD Stories episode about rumination being a compulsion, it's pretty recent, and very insightful!

trying reading the book overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts or mindfulness workbook for ocd . also the podcast the ocd stories has two epsisodes on pocd. both have helped me a lot and very informative. just know you are not alone i’m dealing with the same thing. i did tell my fiancé but he understand a lot about mental health and it really helps having him to lean on. maybe tell your boyfriend you have unwanted thoughts but don’t tell him about what just be vague

Where can I find the OCD stories podcasts?