I truly don't understand what's happening to me. I'm evolving into a monster... I swear absolutely every time my cat licks its private part I HAVE to watch it, my head physically moves and watches it, And i try to look away but my brain says "no u enjoy it, look right now" And I HAVE to look, and the worst part is it feels like I feel "pleasure" Both mentally and physically?!?! Like why is this happening? Why do I have to look? If somebody hold my head I would still need to look?!? What the fuck is happening:( I'm turning into a monster... Why am I watching my cat lick it's private part????? What form of sickness is this??? Why do I have to look? Why is my head moving there to look??? I can't believe this :( why does it feels like it's giving me pleasure? Do I look because im a sick monster not managing to control my fetishes? Is it a fetish? OCD can not do this right? I'm a monster, I'm a monster, im a monster. I need to quit ocd therapy. This isn't ocd. I can't believe why I was born a monster. why me, why me.

I am a girl's in my twenties. I got diagnosed with OCD last year. I have a boyfriend, sadly we're long distance right now. I've liked boys all my life. It's very difficult to sustain intimacy in a long distance relationship. Sometimes I have intimate calls with my boyfriend and it's nice. Other times, however, (and I am not proud of it) I do watch porn. I started watching porn when I was 16. I've tried to quit it many times but every couple of weeks I go back to it. And as everyone knows, one of the MANY problems with it is that your brain will always ask for more. More taboo things, more explicit things. I have a daddy kink. I've roleplayed with my boyfriend and watched porn of this kink. Now, the thing is that my brain keeps telling me that I won't orgasm unless I think of little girls being ab*sed. I've never looked for that on the internet, I never want to either. I am under EXTREME DISTRESS, because what my brain tells me feels SO REAL, and it's like my pleasure gets blocked and that contributes to me thinking my brain must be right. It wasn't like this before. I want to go back. I'm scared it will be like this forever now.

(21+ ONLY: TRIGGER WARNING) I’ve been increasingly worried that I’m a zoophile (among other things) and that I’m attracted to my family dog. I love him and I take care of him—I take him out to poop and pee, I play with him, and I feed and water him. But I get nervous when I have to be around him for a long time—I get these thoughts and they just won’t stop. I’ll find myself looking at my dog’s privates and having these strange urges. I feel horrible—like I could’ve done something to him or touched him inappropriately and conveniently don’t remember. I don’t know what to do…

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔